I knew I would feel this way at times...and I felt it today. As you know , my son, Zach, has Down Syndrome. It has been almost one year since he has entered into our lives! (His birthday is October 14)
Today while I was sitting outside of Taylor's ballet class, another mom was also outside the class, and she had brought her baby with her. It turns out her baby was born 2 days earlier than Zach. But here's the thing...her little girl was crawling. She was holding a cup and drinking from it. Her mom mentioned to her baby girl that she might be having lasagna tonight. Well, Zach can't crawl yet, he doesn't hold a cup, and he still doesn't have too much interest in solid food (now that is a problem I wish I had!!). I know he will be behind in a lot of milestones, and that is okay, but I also remember early on in this journey, a parent of a DS child telling me the hardest thing was when their child was next to a child the same age, because they could then clearly see the differences.
So tonight as I explained this to Phillip, I cried...and I cried hard. Why? Oh, I am not really sure. Sometimes it just hits me I guess. Zach has Down Syndrome. I still hardly even know what that is going to mean for him or for us. So, my heart hurt a bit today, but tomorrow, I will see his precious face, kiss those adorable cheeks, look into those captivating blue eyes of his, and we will go on!! Zach doesn't know the difference, and he seems to be fine not playing the comparison game!!! He just sat and looked at that other very busy eleven month old baby today and cooed and then went on having fun banging his trucks together. (-:
So, like I said, every once in a while, it happens. I feel sad...but then I go on, embracing the sweet gift God has given us in Zach! In fact, I think I will post this blog entry and go kiss his sweet sleeping self right now!!
wonderful expression of your heart... thanks for sharing it with all of us
ReplyDeleteI completely understand, though in different circumstances, I completely understand... you celebrate but you hurt, the two are not incompatible
I think that it is especially hard to make that comparison because all of the things that Zach can't do are highlighted...and it is easy to be blinded to all of the things that he CAN.
ReplyDeleteI have definitely btdt. It's hard not to...but it DOES get easier :)
Thanks for sharing from your heart. I miss you and am so sad I couldn't make the birthday celebration!!
ReplyDeleteI cried while I read this, Cammie. Our little girl (now 15) has missed nearly a year of her life fighting Lyme disease (which was misdiagnosed for many months while it took on a life of its own inside her!) She is missing many milestones; one day she was bright and happy and doing her (amazing)thing...and the next morning she was gone. It seems like I detach well enough to care for her for several weeks at a time..then for some reason I just lose it for 18-24 hours and cry most of them. I have thought of you often over the past year and am so glad to see your blog and to see pics of your beautiful (and amazing)family.
ReplyDeleteevery blessing!
Catsy