God knows just what I need

Yesterday I had an experience that reminded me that God knows exactly what I need.

The day began as every Tuesday morning does...with Zach having physical therapy. He works so hard in that hour each week-doing things that we take for granted like learning to walk, learning to kick, reaching for toys and then trying to place them where they go while trying to stand at the same time. I am always so proud of him and he really is making great progress.

But yesterday I found myself doing what I try really hard not to do, and that is looking to the future with Zach. I have found that when I focus only on the present, I don't get anxious or fearful, but when I begin to look to the future, I am sometimes overcome with the "what if's"? Yesterday the "what if's" came in the form of Zach's speech and language development, along with his overall social development.

Well, I did not really vocalize those thoughts yesterday but I did feel them in the pit of my stomach. I picked Taylor up from preschool and then took the kids to get haircuts. Afterwards as we were pulling into the garage, I realized we had left Taylor's lunch box at school, so we decided to go back to the school to get it.

We pulled up to the school and they had their "after school program" going. Kids were outside on the playground as we arrived. We got out of the car and I saw Mrs .Betty (one of our favorite teachers of all time!!) coming towards us and she had two little guys walking with her. I quickly noticed that one of them had Down Syndrome. Taylor and I walked up to them and Mrs. Betty introduced us to the boys. My heart melted as she introduced us to Clifford, the little guy with DS. Clifford immediately engaged us and asked Taylor her name. I couldn't help but put my arm around him and talk to him. He asked us a few questions and then playfully said that he had to go get a shovel, but he would be right back. He was absolutely precious...black floppy hair and a smile that was so captivating. I am guessing he is 6 or 7 years old.

When he walked off, Taylor turned to me and said "Mom, does he have Down Syndrome like Zach?" I was blown away because I did not know at what point Taylor would be able to recognize that, and I really had not expected that at 4 years old. I said "Yes, he does. Isn't that cool?" to which she sweetly nodded and smiled.

I was so moved by this interaction. I was encouraged by watching Clifford on the playground, going to get toys, and playing with his friends. Mrs. Betty even told me that once two kids were arguing over who was going to be Clifford's BFF (best friend forever). I can't explain how much it warmed my heart and gave me JUST the encouragement I needed yesterday. My eyes filled with tears because it was so like God to give me that SPECIFIC encouragement yesterday. There I was lamenting the fact that we had left Taylor's lunch box at school, and yet I came to find out that there was a bigger purpose for my forgetfulness...an opportunity to meet sweet Clifford!

Thank you, God, that even when I don't express my needs, you know exactly what I need. What a specific reminder of that yesterday!

Hey mom...

"Can you lay with me for just one more minute?" Those are sweet words that came out of Taylor's mouth tonight as I lay in the bed with her after tucking her in. Sometimes it just hits me as I look into her sweet, sleepy eyes...that she probably won't be asking that question forever. Some of my sweetest moments with her are putting her to bed. She seems to be the most tender, the most vulnerable, and even if she had been "extra spirited" (aka wild woman) during the day, she seems to be so sweet and snuggly at bedtime.

This week, a woman in the Down Syndrome Community in Charlotte who has been a part of our mom's group, did one of the hardest things imaginable this week...she buried her 8 month old son, Evin. He was a precious little guy who had some complications following heart surgery a couple months ago, and lost his battle this week. However I know that he is now whole and is no longer sick, and still I grieve so much for his mom. Evin was her world. Taylor and I had been praying for him every day on our way to school. The day after Evin died this week, on our way to school, after Taylor and I prayed for the day ,she said, "Mom, you forgot to pray for Evin." Well, we have just recently ventured into the subject of death and I did not know how to tell her about Evin, because right now she thinks people only die when they are really old (obviously we haven't covered everything yet). So, the words that came out of my mouth came with a lump in my throat "We don't have to pray for Evin anymore honey...he's all better now."

I write about Evin because I have been reminded this week, when my daughter asks me to lay with her for "one more minute" ,you better bet I will take it...and maybe even add a few more!

Good timing for LENT

Ahhh! It seems that Lent has come at a good time for me. We had some sickness go through our house last week and it seems like that can knock ya flat for a while. Our house felt like a pharmacy for about a week. These past couple of weeks have left me a little dry spiritually . I was hoping for some good reading/connecting with God time while in the Bahamas but you know how that went...Strep throat did not lend itself to me being very alert!!

So, last Wednesday, we began the Lenten journey for this year. ..time to prepare for the cross. Time to strip away some excess in my life and focus in a sharper way on God. It really could not have come at a better time for me personally.

I am using the book "From Sacrifice to Celebration -A Lenten Journey" again this year as a book to accompany me on this 40 day journey. A few quotes from the first chapter have already sharpened my thinking and my focus so far...

"Lent calls us to discipline. At its best, Lent is more than a season; its a journey from the daily grind to spiritual growth."

"When my journey of faith seems stuck in the ruts of indifference or predictability,Lent propels me forward again."

"Lent is a time for feeding on God's word. It's a time for nourishing our spirits on the good news of our acceptance in Christ."

"Once you stop wanting what you do not have and loosen your grip on what you do have, you are ready to receive God's presence in a new and empowering way. Filled with this presence,your restlessness will cease.You will take the less traveled road from boredom to bonding, not the congested expressway from boredom to brokenness. On your journey, you will find adventure, the unfolding drama of life's richness."

I pray these forty days will deepen my walk with God, and will propel me forward in Christ!

I want a DO OVER!!!!

Bahamas-Atlantis resort

Ever wanted a "do over"? Have you ever said something you regretted? Have you ever had a day in which everything went wrong? There have been many times in life when I have wanted to press a "do over" button, but I can say this is one of the first vacations I have been on in which I wanted to find that button and just start over!!

Phillip and I were given a great opportunity this past week...five days in the Bahamas at the Atlantis resort. I had never been to the Bahamas and was very excited! I was especially excited to leave the weather we have been having this Winter. ( I know I may be a wimp but I can not remember it being this cold in Charlotte for such an extended period of time in many, many years!)

Before we left town, Zach had started have "gook" (nice word,I know) in his eyes and a runny nose, but I thought it was just a cold. "Mom of the year" was wrong again! We got to the Bahamas and I began to get text messages from Reeve, who was staying with the kids while we were gone. She was asking how much gook was normal ( not her exact words) and she got more concerned throughout the day. Apparently, he got much worse, and after an almost sleepless first night at our house, she took him to the doctor the next day. They gave him some antibiotics and some drops to clear up his eyes. Soon after all this, Reeve started feeling poorly. OK, we are in the Bahamas, at one of the coolest resorts I have ever been to, and I was really having a hard time enjoying myself knowing all this was going on back home.

Another day goes by, and Phillip and I both woke up with wicked sore throats. Now I am a woman , so I am used to just sucking it up and moving ahead...but woah, this was a good one!! I was almost in tears and more than anything, shocked by the irony of the fact that we were in the BAHAMAS no less and feeling this poorly. How crazy is that? There were water slides to ride on, beaches to be walked on, books to be read while sitting by the pool, but what could we possibly do when we felt like we had just swallowed razor blades!! We called a Dr. from the U.S. who called in a prescription for us to a pharmacy in the Bahamas, but when we called the pharmacy to see how much it would cost, they said it would be $291.00...for probably the same medicine we could get back home with our $10 co-pay!! So, we opted to not do that and instead got a couple boxes of cold/sore throat theraflu and began sucking those down. A few people have mentioned we should have put colorful umbrellas in our theraflu drinks!

Anyway, as we finished out our trip, we got a text from Reeve that she had strep throat, and then we came home yesterday still feeling like we had been hit by a truck. We both went to the Dr. today and as you might guess, we both have strep (along with everyone we shared the plane with yesterday probably-sorry folks!).

So, five days in the Bahamas... and there ya' have it! I try to be a really positive person and I am sure there will be more funny stories and illustrations to come...but for now, I just want a DO OVER!!!!!!!!

Random thoughts from this past week

• Snow/ice/days off...fun for a while, but I realize I am a big fan of routine! I was really thrown off this week!
  
• Taylor cracks me up...after spending 45 minutes (slight exaggeration) getting ready to go out in the snow, we go out, get one picture...and after one time sledding and getting ice on her face, she started crying and exclaimed "This is the worstest season ever!!"
• Been thinking a lot about selfishness this week. I have had a few situations that have brought this to the forefront of my mind. I have seen it in myself and I have seen it in others. THANKFUL for the grace of God!
• Zach's laugh is one of the sweetest sounds I have ever heard.
• Finding joy in the mundane is a discipline.
• I can post a Bible verse on facebook and get few, if any,responses. I posted a question this week , asking if I am the only one on facebook who doesn't watch the show "Lost" and I got 43 comments...I'm just saying!
• This morning in my prayer group at Oasis, we spent some time just praising God for who He is. We went through the alphabet and for each letter, we spoke out attributes of God we are thankful for- and yes, "Z" was a tough letter!! What struck me was as I listened to what was being said about God and threw out some words myself, I realized it was the most peaceful I had felt all week. (Note to self: Focusing on God , and not myself, is a good thing!!!)
• Believe it or not, I still really like the song "I Got a Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas...could have something to do with the fact that it is funny to hear a 4 year old singing "I got a feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night!"

So, those are a few of my random thoughts for this week! Thanks for playing!

Simple worship

VERY cool night tonight! My friend, T.J. Haycox, who I have known since high school, had a great idea a while ago that I was able to participate in tonight. He had the idea to start something called a "Him Sing"...a night where people gather, very casually, bring guitars and songsheets, and come with hearts ready to worship. He has already had a handful of these "Him Sings" and tonight was the first night I was able to go.

So, Matt Glass, T.J., Christy Fritz and I hung out in T.J.'s living room and had a chill evening of worship. We sang some songs I had not sung in years!! We went old school and it was so refreshing!! It reminded me of how much I LOVE stripped down, authentic worship! Nothing loud, nothing flashy, no program involved, no planning involved...just worship!

I left feeling so refreshed spiritually, and I felt honored to be a part of a simple night of worshiping God with fellow believers. Thanks T.J. - thanks for your heart and vision for this.

A servant friend of mine

As you can see by lack of blogging this month, January tends to be a somewhat blah month for me. Holidays are over, the weather is pretty yucky, and it seems the sun is not out a whole lot. SO, when I feel this way, it is always good for me to stop and focus on all that I have to be thankful for, which gives me a little perspective.

So today, I want to spend a few minutes writing about someone in my life who I am truly thankful for.This is a dear friend of mine named Pam Sharp who has taught me so much about serving and giving selflessly. She and I have been friends for years and I consider her to be such a TREASURE in my life. Pam loves people so well and she has one of those personalities that lights up a room. She is almost always smiling and joyful and her joy is contagious to those who come in contact with her.

When I was in youth ministry, I often had parents tell me how much it meant to them to have someone loving and pursuing their child. Now that I am a parent, I have found one of the greatest ways I feel loved by people is when they take an interest in/care about my children. This is where Pam comes in...

So, when we found out Zach had Down Syndrome, Pam went to the library and immediately began reading up on DS so she would better understand what we would be facing. She came over and cried with me and immediately took a huge interest in Zach's life. (She is a favorite of Taylor's too, by the way). Well, I think it was sometime over last summer, Pam and I were having coffee and she said she had something to share with me. She said she really felt like she wanted to spend time regularly with Zach. She wanted him to grow up knowing her and for him to never remember a time when she was not in his life! I said "Thanks, but no thanks Pam. I really don't want anyone caring for Zach like that." JUST KIDDING!!!!!! Of course, I was deeply moved, as you can imagine.

This year we came up with a plan. I take Taylor to dance on Thursdays so Pam comes over every Thursday afternoon and spends time with Zach for a couple of hours while I go and have some time just with Taylor.

Now I don't "pay Pam back" in any way. She just comes over and serves us and loves us in this huge way every week by loving our little Zach. Her life is very full and she has a job, a husband and two kids of her own, and yet she still sacrifices her time to come and do this. Not many people today are willing to serve and give so sacrificially. I have learned so much through Pam's "gift" to us. She has been a definite example to us of the amazing love of Christ. She has lived out this verse "Each of you should look not only to your own interests , but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4) as well as "Serve one another in love." (Galatians 5:13) She is no doubt serving us in love, and her example as well as her friendship has impacted my family and me greatly.

So, don't you agree that even on a somewhat dreary January day, I have so much to be thankful for? Not the least of which is my dear friend, Pam.


This picture is Pam and Zach at the "Buddy Walk" in October.