Cammie Howard

Faith in action!

2010-12-30T12:36:00.000-08:00

A really cool thing happened today, and reminded me that it is the little things that matter!! I took the kids out today. We went to Barnes and Noble and then I took them to Q'doba for lunch. Right now, pretty much doing anything with Zach is an adventure (to put it nicely). He grabs everything in sight, and throws everything in sight...and that is precisely why it is such a good idea to take him out to lunch ! HA!
Anyway, I ordered two kids meals. Taylor tried to get them from me and carry them to the table. She lost her tray balance, and of course, both meals went flying to the floor. Awesome. I was very apologetic, Zach was crying because he was hungry , and I could tell the lady behind the counter had pity on me. She gave me the "you look like you have your hands full" look, sprinkled with empathy. She said she would bring two new meals to me (I wonder why she did not want me to get Taylor to pick them up from the front counter!)
Once the meals came and I tried to give Zach his cheese quasadilla and applesauce, he wanted nothing to do with them. When he gets overly tired, which maybe he was, he takes food and just chunks it across the table. So our peaceful lunch ensued. I kept trying to feed Zach, and Zach kept throwing stuff and trying to grab Taylor's lunch, and it was a bit stressful.
After lunch was over, or said another way, after I surrendered, I began to clean up and as I was doing that, I noticed three high school girls came and sat at a table next to us. I saw that they bowed their heads and prayed before their meal, which is always encouraging to see. A few minutes later, I was trying to gather all my stuff, and collect the trash. Zach was crying and obviously ready for a nap! One of the girls from that table got up and picked up all our trash and said "let me help you with this" and went to throw it away for me. Now let me remind you , this is not a girl that worked there; this was one of the high school girls from the table next to us. I was blown away. Such a simple gesture, but obviously one born out of a faith that is action oriented that belonged to that girl! She then went and opened the door for us so I could get the stroller through.
Taylor said, "Mom, she doesn't even work here! " and I said "Taylor, she probably did that because she loves Jesus!!" Then Taylor asked me if I do things too just because I love Jesus, to which I replied '' Well, I try to!" (-:
What a great example for my kids to see today (and me as well!!) A high school girl living out her faith by helping an obviously struggling mom today!! God, will you bless, strengthen, encourage and protect the faith of that girl, whose name I don't even know? You definitely used her to bless my life today!!

Bloggity blog!

2010-12-05T18:47:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I have been very absent from this blog! Now that I am a working woman, I guess I have let some things slide,and one of those things is blogging! Ha- I am not even sure I remember how to do all this!

Life has been very, very full these past months but full is good! I am enjoying working so much-God has really blessed me with some awesome people to work with and I really am loving the variety I am able to experience each day. No day is the same in Children's Ministry! I feel very alive and I am very energized to be a part of something much bigger than myself!

Maybe I will try to get back to blogging a bit (no promises)...but then again, it is one of the busiest months of the year! (-:

It's been a while!

2010-08-08T17:51:00.001-07:00

Whew!! I just noticed it has been a month since I last blogged!! Sometimes blogging feels like homework, but once I do it, I am always glad I did. So, here goes...

I have had a lot going on in the last month. I preached at church on Sunday, July 18th, which was such an awesome experience for me. I was blown away that God would give me that kind of an opportunity. It was very humbling for me as well as a great chance to really depend on the Lord. I so appreciated the friends that came to support me that Sunday...some neighbors, some friends I met through Taylor's preschool, some old, very dear friends I met back when I worked at Church at Charlotte, as well as my parents and some of my extended family. That meant so much to me!! It was a very good discipline, too, for me to prepare for that over the summer.

So, after that day preaching, the following week I was just chillin' out, knowing that I did not have another speaking opportunity that I had to prepare for until October. Aahhhhhh! What was I going to do with all my time (ha ha!!)?

Then I received a phone call...long story short,and many conversations later, I was asked to be the Acting Children's Ministry Director at Lake Forest. I am a planner, and yet MY plans went out the window as I accepted this position. One week later, (this past week) , I started working! It has been a whilrlwind, and yet I feel very grateful to be given this opportunity now. It is clear that God had paved the way for me. He had prepared me by building relationships with some awesome people at Lake Forest over the years. So, in a lot of ways, this is just another example and reminder that GOD IS IN CONTROL! I am not. He has my life in His hands, and I don't always know the plans He has for me!

So, there ya go! I am along for the ride and loving it!

I was leaking today...

2010-07-08T19:41:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know that sounds strange. I think I officially hit that point in the summer today that I realized I was leaking patience and it was draining very quickly!!

After a few weeks in a row of "Mom, what are we going to do today?" and cleaning up spill # 5,192, I realized my patience was running very low. It was just one of those days. It felt like every time I turned around, there was another mess I had to clean up and sometimes that wears on me.

But tonight, I got to go out and repair some of my leaks! T.J. Haycox hosted a "Him Sing" again at his house and I went and hung out with about ten other folks and we worshiped God for over two hours! It is amazing how quickly the cares of the day faded and my soul and spirit was filled up again.

So, tomorrow is a new day...hopefully I won't be as leaky!!(-:

It's official-I am an extrovert!

2010-06-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

Ha! My title for today's blog is a bit of a joke...but do you ever just find that you relearn things about yourself that you already knew to be true?

I love people. I gain energy from being around people (byproduct of being an extrovert). Now, don't get me wrong, I love time alone...but I am so energized when I am around people and it is soooo good for my soul.

Just a few events recently have reminded me of this...I can be in a somewhat average mood, but then I can go have coffee with someone and that completely changes my mood!

Last week, I went to one of our women's ministry team meetings. I have the privilege of serving alongside some really cool women at Lake Forest. I was so excited to go and be with them. We shared a fabulous meal together (thanks Corinne!),we talked about our lives, we talked about ministry "stuff", and we prayed for one another. If I had to rate my soul on a scale of a 1-10, it was probably a 5 or 6 when I got there and a 9 or 10 when I left! I am so aware that God does not intend for us to "do life" on our own, but He gives us other people to share our lives with! Sometimes it is messy, sometimes it is hard, but overall, it challenges me to be more and to live life more fully!

Yesterday, some friends came over to our neighborhood pool. I could have just gone with my kids and I would have had fun, but NOTHING like what I felt as a result of being with other people! I came home tired and yet energized! I find it so much more fun to share experiences with others.

Last night, my dear friend, Pam, went to church for a Bible study and she said she would come by afterward and we could hang out and talk on my porch. She came by at 9pm and we sat out there talking until 10:30'ish! I came in and the first thing I said to my husband was " I just LOVE Pam! She is such a good friend!" and I could tell my spirit was so encouraged by spending time with her. She made the initiative and even such a simple gesture like hanging out on a porch can bring so much encouragement!

And today, the kids and I got together with some of the other kids and parents from Taylor's preschool. We like hanging out together and so we decided to try and do some stuff together every Tuesday this summer. We met them and went to the fountains at Birkdale and then all went to lunch together. I really like these folks and am just so thankful we are getting together!

So, as I was driving home today, with more dirty, wet towels in the car, half drank Caprisuns from the kids, more laundry to do when I got home, I realized that my heart was full...because I had been with friends. So, it is something I already knew about myself but have been reminded of every time I have been with people lately. It does my heart good to spend time with others. I believe God created us to be in relationships with others, to share in the fun times and the not-so- fun times, and just to "do life" with others.

It has always struck me that when Jesus sent the disciples out, He did not send them out alone, but He sent them in pairs, or even in groups. I think He was onto something (-:!

Aren't you glad I am not God?

2010-06-13T19:36:00.003-07:00

That is what I found myself thinking yesterday...I am glad I am not God, and you should be too! (-: He is infinitely more patient, loving, and forgiving than I am!

It started yesterday morning when Taylor came to me with a bottle of my nail polish in her hand and asked me if I could paint her nails for her dance recital, which was that evening. I told her she was not allowed to have nail polish on her fingers for the recital and then asked her to please go put the nail polish back in my bathroom. She walked away with it in her hand and it seemed that she took longer than usual to get back to me. When she did come back, she said, "Um mom, the nail polish broke." I put Zach down , shut the door, and went into my bathroom to find a shattered bottle of hot pink nail polish everywhere on the floor. Taylor told me she was sorry and I basically stood there dumbfounded because I had no idea how to clean up such a mess. I tried nail polish remover and that did not work, so I left it alone for hours until I could get back to it while the kids were resting in the afternoon and I had some time to look up on the internet what I should do.

I was so frustrated and yet I knew it was an accident! Accidents happen all the time and I also knew Taylor was sorry for what had happened. What was so interesting to me, though, is even KNOWING all that, I still found myself bringing it up to her a couple of times throughout the morning. Why? Because I was frustrated? Why would I take it out on her? It was not willful disobedience...it was a mistake.

Here is what I realized , though. I was reminded at some point of the verse that says "I, even I , am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and REMEMBERS YOUR SINS NO MORE." (Isaiah 43:25) God does not remember our sins after we have confessed them to Him. He does not rub it back in our face. He does not remind us of our failings. In fact, "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." Psalms 103:12

I thought about those verses and then I thought about myself. I was reminded of how GOOD God is, and how amazing His ability to forgive and forget is, and how HUMAN I am, even when it comes to something as simple as a bottle of nail polish on the bathroom floor!!!

After some research, and a Magic Eraser, the spill came up, but the lesson in my heart remains. I am so grateful God does not treat our sins, our mistakes, our disobedience, our turning our backs on Him, like I do! His Magic Eraser is REAL and it is because of Jesus that He remembers my sins no more. I hope to become a little more like Him the next time something like this happens...which will most likely be very soon!

SUMMER TIME...Lovin' this pace of life already!

2010-06-04T17:54:00.000-07:00

It has officially been one week of summer (ie. out of school) and I am already loving this pace of life!! I did not realize until this week how nice it is to not have to rush out the door every morning, with the kids both fed and dressed, lunches made, etc. We have had a good week doing some fun stuff and what I have probably enjoyed the most is NOT BEING IN A HURRY!! Ahhh!

We have set some "Team Howard" summer rules this year. It seems that sometimes summer can be a time when we can get a bit self-absorbant. Last summer I remember feeling a bit like a "full time entertainer" while trying hard to keep the idea of serving others in front of us. It was a challenge, especially with Taylor who wakes up every morning asking "What are we going to do today?" So, that is one of the reasons for implementing the "summer rules."

Here they are...TEAM HOWARD'S SUMMER RULES:

1) Have fun!
2) Be kind to everyone. (This is something we are working on pretty intentionally)
3) Play nicely and share (Phillip always seems to struggle with this one-ha ha!)
4) Put your friends and your family before yourself.
5) Have at least one hour of "rest time" each day.
6) Try to "outdo" one another in love. (Romans 13:8)
7) Every day, do something kind for someone else, expecting nothing in return.
8) Obey right away, all the way, with a happy heart. (Thanks,Bethany!)

I am enjoying the kids, enjoying a slower pace with our family as a whole, and I look forward to seeing what God is going to do in our lives this summer. I feel so peaceful even as I write this. It might have to do with the fact that I am sitting outside on the front porch as I type this, with "Hillsong radio" on Pandora playing in the background. (-: I hope you, too, have a rich, enjoyable, summer filled with fewer "to do" lists and more chill time to enjoy God and one another!

A note of encouragement

2010-05-22T20:11:00.000-07:00

I received a message sent to me on facebook tonight that was so encouraging! It was from someone I do not know well, but he wrote to let me know how much of an encouragement I had been to him as he had watched me living life with Zach. He said he remembers when he first found out we had a son with Down Syndrome and how he had felt so sorry for us, but now he realizes what a blessing Zach is in our lives. He has gained this understanding mostly through my postings on facebook and through seeing one of the latest pictures of Zach I have posted...

This picture screams JOY to me!

Anyway, I was really encouraged that he would take the time to write the message that he did and I also am reminded tonight just how important it is to encourage one another. It says often in Scripture that we are to "encourage one another" but how often do we do that? How often do we take the time to let others know they have made a difference in our lives, inspired us in some way, or just let them know how valuable they are?
Thank you , Bill Giles, for reminding me of the importance of that tonight. I pray I will be able to do the same for someone this week. Your words encouraged me in a huge way.

MAY MADNESS!!!

2010-05-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else feel like May is a crazy month? Wow! I don't think I have ever experienced it quite like this! I mean, I am a very detailed person and all these details are pushing me over the edge! It just seems there is so much to remember. I think I need extra brain space to keep up with all that is going on...parties, bringing this and that to school, remembering when cowboy day is (ha! It is TODAY and yes, Taylor was dressed for it...AGAIN!), forms that need to be filled out, appts. made, childcare figured out, ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

There are only two weeks of preschool left and then summer is here? Are you serious? Whew! It is coming fast! Taylor will have her preschool "graduation" (yes, I will cry my eyes out!) and then we will begin thinking and preparing for kindergarten.

So, as I am in the middle of MAY MADNESS, I pause and thank God today for His word "My soul finds rest in GOD alone; my salvation comes from Him." (Psalms 62:1) and I also thank God for 1/2 price frappucino's, through May 16th BABY!!!

"A" for effort

2010-05-05T07:18:00.000-07:00

It is the week of Mother's Day...and once again, I believe I am high in the running for "Mom of the Year." If it is not my unbelievable amount of patience I exhibit every day towards my children, the way I model for them a Christ-like life in all I say and do, (HA HA!!!!), I should at least get it for the amount of poopy diapers I have changed for little man Zach this week! Whew!!

But today I do at least get an "A" for EFFORT!! I have had a lot to remember this week because it is teacher appreciation week at school and every day there is something new that we are doing. I have limited brain cells anyway, so I am doing my best to remember everything! But today, I went over the top. It was "Cowboy Day" at Taylor's preschool, or so I thought. I looked at the preschool calendar yesterday that hangs on my fridge and read that this Wednesday is cowboy day. Well, unlike some moms, I don't just happen to have cowboy outfits laying around. I mean, I have a princess for goodness sakes!! So, I called my friend, Ashley, and she said her son, Will, had a cowboy outfit Taylor could borrow that he wore this past year for Halloween. SO, last night, we got that together and I was just proud of myself for remembering!! Funny note about the cowboy outfit (vest and chaps)...Taylor wears a size 5/6 and the cowboy outfit is a size 2T. Nice!

This morning, Taylor proudly came in and woke me up all ready to "giddy up" into her day sporting her cowboy outfit! We got to school and it seemed all her other classmates had obviously forgotten! Taylor kept asking different mom's why their kids were not dressed up like she was and she was so excited to show off her outfit to everyone we saw. Some mom's said "We just didn't have anything at home"...so it wasn't clicking with myself or anyone else that maybe this was the wrong day! We got into her classroom and I thought "Wow-I am good! I must be the ONLY one who remembered! " "MOM OF THE YEAR" at last! I was joking with another mom about how Taylor's cowboy outfit was maybe a tad small but she was excited to wear it anyway, and that mom pointed to the calendar and said "Cowboy day is next week". Get this...I even looked at her point to Wednesday, May 12, and I said,"No, that is today!" She said "No, today is May 5th." It still took a minute to sink in, as I looked around at ALL the other kids dressed in their normal school clothes, and then it sunk in, I was a week early! HA!

So, I broke the news to Taylor, and she began to disrobe her cowboy attire. I could not stop laughing at myself and how adamant I was that TODAY IS FREAKIN' COWBOY DAY EVERYONE!! SO, next Wednesday, we will try again...but you do have to at least give me an "A" for effort today,right?

Happy Cowboy day everyone... a week early!!

New journals

2010-04-28T10:58:00.000-07:00

I went and bought two new journals today. I love to journal and have journaled pretty regularly since I was in high school; however, these journals are not for me. These are going to be journals I keep for my children. I got the idea from my dear friend, Pam Sharp. She told me recently about how she has kept journals for her children ...chronicling special times in their lives,etc.

I definitely don't do well with pictures/photo albums and such so this might work for me! My intent is to use these journals as places to write about special things that happen in their lives, but also to write down prayers for them. Taylor has been giving me a really hard time lately (please pray for her if you are reading this, and pray for me as well!!) and I am just trusting that God will soften and change her heart. I think it will be helpful to write down specific prayers for both Taylor and Zach, prayers for their future spouses, for their friendships, for their relationships with God and then watch and see how God works in their precious lives.

I will also include Phillip in this journaling endeavor if he wants to participate. I think it will be a really cool gift to give them someday, maybe when they get married (after age 30, of course!!) So, off to journal entry #1 in both journals today!!

I am a broken funnel

2010-04-26T11:34:00.000-07:00

I had the privilege to go to Winston Salem this past Friday night to speak to a group of ladies on Saturday morning at Reynolda Pres. Church. I stayed in a hotel Friday night, which was utter bliss...because I was able to sleep in a room that was as dark as a cave!! (-:

I got to the church on Saturday morning around 8:15am (which if you know me, that is EARLY for a Saturday!!) and the meeting was to begin at 9am. I went early because I was asked to come early so a group of ladies could pray for me before I spoke. That was really great because I realized Friday night as I was praying about my talk on Saturday morning, that it is hard sometimes to walk into a room cold turkey and speak to a group of people who have never seen you before! I was praying for a quick repoire with the ladies I was speaking to, and that they would hear what God wanted them to hear. I also prayed that my words would not be my own and that I would speak with clarity.

After being at the church for a bit, the women who were going to pray with me came and got me. Once these women started praying, I was definitely touched and thought "I would love to have these women come and pray with me every day!!" They seemed to all have very intimate relationships with God. One lady in particular spoke words I will never forget. She started by saying, "This week as I was praying for you Cammie, God gave me a word picture." When people begin something by saying "God spoke to them" or "God gave them a picture", my ears definitely perk up! Then she said, "Cammie, the picture God gave me is that you are a broken funnel." Huh? A broken what? She went on..."There is a funnel in my home that is bent and worn and broken, but when you pour something into it, it still works...the water pours through still and then comes out strong though the end of the funnel. That is like your message today, Cammie. You may be broken and damaged, but the Lord wants to use you and He wants you to be the funnel for Him."

Now, no one wants to be told they are broken (ha!), but of course, I know that I am. I know that I screw up all the time and the fact that God still uses me is mind boggling. It was so cool though, as those words were prayed over me, I felt such a peace come over me. I don't have to hide. I don't have to pretend. I am who I am ... and I am a broken "funnel" that wants to be available for God's Spirit to flow through.

It sure does take the pressure off. God is who is being poured through the funnel...I need only to be available. I don't know the name of that lady who prayed for me and gave me that word picture, but it is surely one I will not forget.

Good date night questions

2010-04-18T19:05:00.001-07:00

Phillip and I love to go out on dates. We just seem to connect better when we are away from our home/routine/diaper changing. Yesterday we were able to go out on a "date afternoon" because my parents kept the kids at their house (ALWAYS A HUGE GIFT TO US!!) We ran an errand, then went and hung out at Caribou coffee, each of us taking time to read the Bible, pray, journal,etc. and then we topped it off by having dinner at Village Tavern. We were able to enjoy outdoor seating and it was a beautiful night so that was a major plus!

I had brought along some questions that I had heard before that are great to ask your spouse every once in a while:

What have you been observing in me lately?
What is inspiring you?
What is encouraging you?
What is challenging you?

Phillip and I found those to be great questions to discuss last night. If you know me, you know that I love asking questions anyway, and I am always up for some good, in-depth conversation! I definitely learned some things I did not know were going on with Phillip and so that encouraged me to try and be a better question asker of him in the future.

I wrote my parents a note thanking them for keeping the kids. It was definitely a win-win. My children LOVE being with their grandparents, and I in turn told them that when they do that for us, they are making an investment in Phillip and I having a healthier marriage. So, here's to dates and good question asking!! (-:

A Grateful Heart

2010-04-14T13:21:00.001-07:00

Do you ever have those times in life when you sit back and realize just how grateful you are?
It has been one of those weeks for me. I have been in a season of blessing and I am so grateful.

This past weekend, I had the privilege of speaking on a youth retreat. It was for the youth of Two Rivers Evangelical Free Church of Knoxville, Tennessee where my very good friend, Chris Jessen, is the youth pastor. Here is a pic of he and his son, Oliver.

It was just one of those weekends that I felt so blessed and privileged to be a part of what God is doing in people's lives...and on this particular weekend, it was the lives of an awesome group of high school students and leaders. This was the second year I have spoken on this same retreat and I feel like these folks are really a part of my heart.

So, this week I have had such a full heart. I love that God is giving me opportunities to do what I love to do, and I feel very blessed!

Lake Forest Women's Retreat

2010-03-25T18:03:00.000-07:00

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him so that you may overflow with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Last weekend was our Lake Forest women's retreat. I can honestly say it was one of the best weekends I have had in a long, long time. The above verse was our theme verse for the retreat and the topic was "Filled to Overflow." We talked about the four thieves that rob us as women from being filled to overflow- unmet expectations, comparison, busyness, and distractions.

It was a beautiful weekend in the mountains and it was amazing to experience it with 90 women! It has struck me again how cool it is to retreat with other people of like minds. These are some of the most beautiful women I have ever met. We laughed together, cried together, prayed together, and shared our lives together over a 48 hour period. Once we got away from our everyday lives and created the "space" to hear God and also hear one another, God saw that opening and moved in powerful ways! Women shared their pain, their struggles, and their joys together. Some met one another for the first time and began friendships over the weekend. Others had the chance to catch up with old friends...like I did. I was able to grab coffee with a dear friend for a couple of hours on Saturday.

The weekend filled my soul in so many ways. I am a believer in retreats!!! I saw firsthand God move in the lives of many women, including my own, and it was a privilege to be a part of it all. My prayer is that the "thief" will not steal what we received over the weekend and that God will continue to remind us all of the "good work"He did in our lives over those two days together.

I am in a club!

2010-03-17T08:46:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you have entered into a place where you feel part of a "club"? Clubs seem to have their own language, filled with people who share a common interest. Some clubs feel exclusive...and yet some are exclusive only because of what they share in common.

For example, I know many people who are in the "cancer" club. This is not a club they would have chosen to be in; however they have met so many new people though being a part of the "club." They have words that they toss around that only they really understand. They also have fears, thoughts and emotions that only people who are in that "club" really understand.

Then there is infertility. I have met some people in that "club". They support one another, ask questions of one another, share stories with one another, and I imagine they cry together too...joyful tears at times and really sad, disappointed tears at other times.

When I was pregnant, I definitely felt like I was in a "club" with all the other pregnant people I would see. Even the ones walking in a mall...especially during the later months of my pregnancies. We would give each other that knowing look like"Oh yeah, I understand how uncomfortable you are right now. Oh,and the nearest bathroom is right over there." (-:

There are all sorts of "clubs" out there...the "exercise fanatic" club, the "working mom" club, the "unemployed" club, and the list goes on.

The club I am in is one I joined on October 14, 2008 (the day Zach was born). It is the "MOM of a child with Down Syndrome" club. Now this is not a club I had any aspirations of joining. In fact, two years ago, I did not even know this club existed. I was hesitant to join at first, but as soon as I did, I was met with great acceptance , love, and an understanding that only mom's with these special kids can truly understand.

I went to dinner with six other mom's last night who are in this "club." We laughed together, and we shared stories. We talked about our kids and we shared tips, challenges, and funny moments that we all seem to encounter. We used codes like "PT, OT, and Speech" and no one had to even ask what those stood for. Well, this was because we all became quickly familiar with those abbreviations once we joined the "club". We go out once a month and have these "mom's night outs" and they have quickly become a highlight of each month. I feel understood when I am there. I feel supported. I feel like we can talk about anything-not just our children who happen to have Down Syndrome, but other topics as well-our jobs, schools, our "typical" children,our faith, and even our fears. I sat back last night and looked around the table. What a neat collection of women! These are women I respect because I know what they are going through! We all have different stories and different backgrounds, and yet we all share a common bond that has enabled the walls to come down quickly. It amazes me to think this is not a path I knew I would be traveling, but now that I am, well, I really enjoy it, feel privileged to be a part of it, and am thankful to have so many others to walk this path with me!

So, I realize little Zach is the one to thank for opening my world to this "club"!! If he had not entered my world, I would not have had dinner last night with some amazing women, who I have so much to learn from!

So, thank you God for this "club"...no fees, but GREAT rewards!!!

God knows just what I need

2010-03-10T09:26:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had an experience that reminded me that God knows exactly what I need.

The day began as every Tuesday morning does...with Zach having physical therapy. He works so hard in that hour each week-doing things that we take for granted like learning to walk, learning to kick, reaching for toys and then trying to place them where they go while trying to stand at the same time. I am always so proud of him and he really is making great progress.

But yesterday I found myself doing what I try really hard not to do, and that is looking to the future with Zach. I have found that when I focus only on the present, I don't get anxious or fearful, but when I begin to look to the future, I am sometimes overcome with the "what if's"? Yesterday the "what if's" came in the form of Zach's speech and language development, along with his overall social development.

Well, I did not really vocalize those thoughts yesterday but I did feel them in the pit of my stomach. I picked Taylor up from preschool and then took the kids to get haircuts. Afterwards as we were pulling into the garage, I realized we had left Taylor's lunch box at school, so we decided to go back to the school to get it.

We pulled up to the school and they had their "after school program" going. Kids were outside on the playground as we arrived. We got out of the car and I saw Mrs .Betty (one of our favorite teachers of all time!!) coming towards us and she had two little guys walking with her. I quickly noticed that one of them had Down Syndrome. Taylor and I walked up to them and Mrs. Betty introduced us to the boys. My heart melted as she introduced us to Clifford, the little guy with DS. Clifford immediately engaged us and asked Taylor her name. I couldn't help but put my arm around him and talk to him. He asked us a few questions and then playfully said that he had to go get a shovel, but he would be right back. He was absolutely precious...black floppy hair and a smile that was so captivating. I am guessing he is 6 or 7 years old.

When he walked off, Taylor turned to me and said "Mom, does he have Down Syndrome like Zach?" I was blown away because I did not know at what point Taylor would be able to recognize that, and I really had not expected that at 4 years old. I said "Yes, he does. Isn't that cool?" to which she sweetly nodded and smiled.

I was so moved by this interaction. I was encouraged by watching Clifford on the playground, going to get toys, and playing with his friends. Mrs. Betty even told me that once two kids were arguing over who was going to be Clifford's BFF (best friend forever). I can't explain how much it warmed my heart and gave me JUST the encouragement I needed yesterday. My eyes filled with tears because it was so like God to give me that SPECIFIC encouragement yesterday. There I was lamenting the fact that we had left Taylor's lunch box at school, and yet I came to find out that there was a bigger purpose for my forgetfulness...an opportunity to meet sweet Clifford!

Thank you, God, that even when I don't express my needs, you know exactly what I need. What a specific reminder of that yesterday!

Hey mom...

2010-03-04T18:00:00.000-08:00

"Can you lay with me for just one more minute?" Those are sweet words that came out of Taylor's mouth tonight as I lay in the bed with her after tucking her in. Sometimes it just hits me as I look into her sweet, sleepy eyes...that she probably won't be asking that question forever. Some of my sweetest moments with her are putting her to bed. She seems to be the most tender, the most vulnerable, and even if she had been "extra spirited" (aka wild woman) during the day, she seems to be so sweet and snuggly at bedtime.

This week, a woman in the Down Syndrome Community in Charlotte who has been a part of our mom's group, did one of the hardest things imaginable this week...she buried her 8 month old son, Evin. He was a precious little guy who had some complications following heart surgery a couple months ago, and lost his battle this week. However I know that he is now whole and is no longer sick, and still I grieve so much for his mom. Evin was her world. Taylor and I had been praying for him every day on our way to school. The day after Evin died this week, on our way to school, after Taylor and I prayed for the day ,she said, "Mom, you forgot to pray for Evin." Well, we have just recently ventured into the subject of death and I did not know how to tell her about Evin, because right now she thinks people only die when they are really old (obviously we haven't covered everything yet). So, the words that came out of my mouth came with a lump in my throat "We don't have to pray for Evin anymore honey...he's all better now."

I write about Evin because I have been reminded this week, when my daughter asks me to lay with her for "one more minute" ,you better bet I will take it...and maybe even add a few more!

Good timing for LENT

2010-02-22T11:37:00.000-08:00

Ahhh! It seems that Lent has come at a good time for me. We had some sickness go through our house last week and it seems like that can knock ya flat for a while. Our house felt like a pharmacy for about a week. These past couple of weeks have left me a little dry spiritually . I was hoping for some good reading/connecting with God time while in the Bahamas but you know how that went...Strep throat did not lend itself to me being very alert!!

So, last Wednesday, we began the Lenten journey for this year. ..time to prepare for the cross. Time to strip away some excess in my life and focus in a sharper way on God. It really could not have come at a better time for me personally.

I am using the book "From Sacrifice to Celebration -A Lenten Journey" again this year as a book to accompany me on this 40 day journey. A few quotes from the first chapter have already sharpened my thinking and my focus so far...

"Lent calls us to discipline. At its best, Lent is more than a season; its a journey from the daily grind to spiritual growth."

"When my journey of faith seems stuck in the ruts of indifference or predictability,Lent propels me forward again."

"Lent is a time for feeding on God's word. It's a time for nourishing our spirits on the good news of our acceptance in Christ."

"Once you stop wanting what you do not have and loosen your grip on what you do have, you are ready to receive God's presence in a new and empowering way. Filled with this presence,your restlessness will cease.You will take the less traveled road from boredom to bonding, not the congested expressway from boredom to brokenness. On your journey, you will find adventure, the unfolding drama of life's richness."

I pray these forty days will deepen my walk with God, and will propel me forward in Christ!

I want a DO OVER!!!!

2010-02-12T17:49:00.001-08:00

Bahamas-Atlantis resort

Ever wanted a "do over"? Have you ever said something you regretted? Have you ever had a day in which everything went wrong? There have been many times in life when I have wanted to press a "do over" button, but I can say this is one of the first vacations I have been on in which I wanted to find that button and just start over!!

Phillip and I were given a great opportunity this past week...five days in the Bahamas at the Atlantis resort. I had never been to the Bahamas and was very excited! I was especially excited to leave the weather we have been having this Winter. ( I know I may be a wimp but I can not remember it being this cold in Charlotte for such an extended period of time in many, many years!)

Before we left town, Zach had started have "gook" (nice word,I know) in his eyes and a runny nose, but I thought it was just a cold. "Mom of the year" was wrong again! We got to the Bahamas and I began to get text messages from Reeve, who was staying with the kids while we were gone. She was asking how much gook was normal ( not her exact words) and she got more concerned throughout the day. Apparently, he got much worse, and after an almost sleepless first night at our house, she took him to the doctor the next day. They gave him some antibiotics and some drops to clear up his eyes. Soon after all this, Reeve started feeling poorly. OK, we are in the Bahamas, at one of the coolest resorts I have ever been to, and I was really having a hard time enjoying myself knowing all this was going on back home.

Another day goes by, and Phillip and I both woke up with wicked sore throats. Now I am a woman , so I am used to just sucking it up and moving ahead...but woah, this was a good one!! I was almost in tears and more than anything, shocked by the irony of the fact that we were in the BAHAMAS no less and feeling this poorly. How crazy is that? There were water slides to ride on, beaches to be walked on, books to be read while sitting by the pool, but what could we possibly do when we felt like we had just swallowed razor blades!! We called a Dr. from the U.S. who called in a prescription for us to a pharmacy in the Bahamas, but when we called the pharmacy to see how much it would cost, they said it would be $291.00...for probably the same medicine we could get back home with our $10 co-pay!! So, we opted to not do that and instead got a couple boxes of cold/sore throat theraflu and began sucking those down. A few people have mentioned we should have put colorful umbrellas in our theraflu drinks!

Anyway, as we finished out our trip, we got a text from Reeve that she had strep throat, and then we came home yesterday still feeling like we had been hit by a truck. We both went to the Dr. today and as you might guess, we both have strep (along with everyone we shared the plane with yesterday probably-sorry folks!).

So, five days in the Bahamas... and there ya' have it! I try to be a really positive person and I am sure there will be more funny stories and illustrations to come...but for now, I just want a DO OVER!!!!!!!!

Random thoughts from this past week

2010-02-04T17:40:00.000-08:00

Snow/ice/days off...fun for a while, but I realize I am a big fan of routine! I was really thrown off this week!
Taylor cracks me up...after spending 45 minutes (slight exaggeration) getting ready to go out in the snow, we go out, get one picture...and after one time sledding and getting ice on her face, she started crying and exclaimed "This is the worstest season ever!!"
Been thinking a lot about selfishness this week. I have had a few situations that have brought this to the forefront of my mind. I have seen it in myself and I have seen it in others. THANKFUL for the grace of God!
Zach's laugh is one of the sweetest sounds I have ever heard.
Finding joy in the mundane is a discipline.
I can post a Bible verse on facebook and get few, if any,responses. I posted a question this week , asking if I am the only one on facebook who doesn't watch the show "Lost" and I got 43 comments...I'm just saying!
This morning in my prayer group at Oasis, we spent some time just praising God for who He is. We went through the alphabet and for each letter, we spoke out attributes of God we are thankful for- and yes, "Z" was a tough letter!! What struck me was as I listened to what was being said about God and threw out some words myself, I realized it was the most peaceful I had felt all week. (Note to self: Focusing on God , and not myself, is a good thing!!!)
Believe it or not, I still really like the song "I Got a Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas...could have something to do with the fact that it is funny to hear a 4 year old singing "I got a feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night!"

So, those are a few of my random thoughts for this week! Thanks for playing!

Simple worship

2010-01-28T19:45:00.000-08:00

VERY cool night tonight! My friend, T.J. Haycox, who I have known since high school, had a great idea a while ago that I was able to participate in tonight. He had the idea to start something called a "Him Sing"...a night where people gather, very casually, bring guitars and songsheets, and come with hearts ready to worship. He has already had a handful of these "Him Sings" and tonight was the first night I was able to go.

So, Matt Glass, T.J., Christy Fritz and I hung out in T.J.'s living room and had a chill evening of worship. We sang some songs I had not sung in years!! We went old school and it was so refreshing!! It reminded me of how much I LOVE stripped down, authentic worship! Nothing loud, nothing flashy, no program involved, no planning involved...just worship!

I left feeling so refreshed spiritually, and I felt honored to be a part of a simple night of worshiping God with fellow believers. Thanks T.J. - thanks for your heart and vision for this.

A servant friend of mine

2010-01-22T12:04:00.001-08:00

As you can see by lack of blogging this month, January tends to be a somewhat blah month for me. Holidays are over, the weather is pretty yucky, and it seems the sun is not out a whole lot. SO, when I feel this way, it is always good for me to stop and focus on all that I have to be thankful for, which gives me a little perspective.

So today, I want to spend a few minutes writing about someone in my life who I am truly thankful for.This is a dear friend of mine named Pam Sharp who has taught me so much about serving and giving selflessly. She and I have been friends for years and I consider her to be such a TREASURE in my life. Pam loves people so well and she has one of those personalities that lights up a room. She is almost always smiling and joyful and her joy is contagious to those who come in contact with her.

When I was in youth ministry, I often had parents tell me how much it meant to them to have someone loving and pursuing their child. Now that I am a parent, I have found one of the greatest ways I feel loved by people is when they take an interest in/care about my children. This is where Pam comes in...

So, when we found out Zach had Down Syndrome, Pam went to the library and immediately began reading up on DS so she would better understand what we would be facing. She came over and cried with me and immediately took a huge interest in Zach's life. (She is a favorite of Taylor's too, by the way). Well, I think it was sometime over last summer, Pam and I were having coffee and she said she had something to share with me. She said she really felt like she wanted to spend time regularly with Zach. She wanted him to grow up knowing her and for him to never remember a time when she was not in his life! I said "Thanks, but no thanks Pam. I really don't want anyone caring for Zach like that." JUST KIDDING!!!!!! Of course, I was deeply moved, as you can imagine.

This year we came up with a plan. I take Taylor to dance on Thursdays so Pam comes over every Thursday afternoon and spends time with Zach for a couple of hours while I go and have some time just with Taylor.

Now I don't "pay Pam back" in any way. She just comes over and serves us and loves us in this huge way every week by loving our little Zach. Her life is very full and she has a job, a husband and two kids of her own, and yet she still sacrifices her time to come and do this. Not many people today are willing to serve and give so sacrificially. I have learned so much through Pam's "gift" to us. She has been a definite example to us of the amazing love of Christ. She has lived out this verse "Each of you should look not only to your own interests , but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4) as well as "Serve one another in love." (Galatians 5:13) She is no doubt serving us in love, and her example as well as her friendship has impacted my family and me greatly.

So, don't you agree that even on a somewhat dreary January day, I have so much to be thankful for? Not the least of which is my dear friend, Pam.

This picture is Pam and Zach at the "Buddy Walk" in October.

Opportunity to live it out!!

2010-01-05T11:43:00.000-08:00

"What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well: keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." James 2:14-17

These are the verses that were rolling around in my head on Christmas Eve as I laid in bed, unable to sleep, thinking about who was sleeping downstairs...and no, I am not talking about our Elf on a shelf!!

Here is what happened...we went to the 4:30pm Christmas Eve service at church. I am a planner , so we definitely have traditions on Christmas Eve. I had put together our meal of "Overnight French toast" which is one of our Christmas Eve traditions, that we would eat upon returning home from church. Then we would read about Jesus' birth from the book of Luke, and then put the kids to bed. Phillip and I have our own tradition of exchanging gifts and listening to Christmas music later in the evening. (I know-AWWWWWW,so sweet!) The night ended up looking a little bit different...

I have written before about two women who have been coming to our church who happen to be homeless and are presently living out of a car. I met them when our church hosted an overflow shelter for the Salvation Army. Well, they happened to be at church at the 4:30pm service.I saw one of them and went up to her after the service and before I could even think, I felt God urge me to invite her and her friend over to the house for dinner. Because I am such a planner, I don't usually do "spur of the moment" things like that. She gladly accepted the invitation for she and her friend, and after I told Phillip what was happening (sometimes when the Spirit moves, you don't have time to consult your spouse!!), they said they would follow us to our home.

We prayed on the way home and told Taylor we were having some guests for dinner. Then Phillip brought up the point that he was not going to feel right sending them out for the night so what if they spent the night with us? I probably said something really spiritual at that point like "Let's just see what happens..." (ha!)

We ended up having a nice dinner around the table, and after dinner, we made some hot chocolate and just sat around and talked. Phillip got the Bible out and read the story from Luke and then we put the kids to bed. By the time I got back downstairs, Phillip had already invited them to stay the night. They accepted and we brought their stuff in from the car.

Like I said, I am a planner...this was not what I had planned for Christmas Eve, but it was definitely what God had planned for our family!! So, when Santa came that night, he found two new friends in our home. On Christmas morning, when Taylor came in our room , we told her our friends had spent the night so she would not be alarmed. She said,"Mom, I am just so impressed that they stayed the night!!!" Hilarious!

We went downstairs and had our Christmas morning , while one of our friends lay on the couch watching it all, and the other stayed in the basement and just "chilled out", as she said. We all gathered to give our friends a little present on Christmas Day and got some Christmas morning pictures. One of them laughingly remarked "Hey-we are the darker side of your family!!" Once they opened their gift, one of them said "This is the best Christmas I have had in seven years!"

I,too, would say it was a wonderful Christmas,and one I will not forget! I thank God that His plans are different than ours,and sometimes we just need to step out in faith.

Now, as a follow up, I am asking God to protect our friends as they are sleeping in a car during one of the coldest winters I can remember. Since I have opened the door to such an experience, it is hard for me now to just "move on" from that. We'll see where God leads us in the future. I do know He reminded me of those verses on Christmas Eve and His word is living and active!!

Never a dull moment...

2009-12-27T19:02:00.000-08:00

What started as a quick trip to Starbuck's on Christmas Eve Day turned into quite a teachable moment with Taylor. I was standing in line with Taylor, waiting to order a cup of coffee, when Taylor saw a little girl a few people ahead of us in line with her mom. Taylor did what she usually does when she sees another kid; she walked up to talk to her.
Once Taylor was up there with the girl, I saw Taylor's expression change a little bit and then she looked at the girl and said " Hey, you look weird" and walked back over to me.

Okay, I about melted into the floor and was completely shocked when she said that. I was mortified,to say the least. I saw the little girl whisper into her mom's ear (because her mom had not heard Taylor)and told her what Taylor had said. Taylor went and sat down to wait for me and soon that mom went over to Taylor and talked to her. I was finishing up in line when the little girl's mom approached me with her girl beside her and said "Your daughter told my daughter she looked weird." I looked at the little girl and said "I am so sorry she said that. You are absolutely beautiful." Then they gathered their stuff and began walking out the door.

Let me just pause here and say this...I was just going out on Christmas Eve Day to get a cup of coffee and take Taylor out on an errand with me. I was not expecting this. I mean, can you ever be prepared for what could possibly come out of your child's mouth? It takes a lot to shock me but I can honestly say I was shocked when Taylor said that. If I could have taken back her words, oh, I would have. I know how much words can hurt and the last thing in the world I want is for my daughter to hurt someone else with her words!!

So, after this lady and her daughter walked out of Starbucks, I still did not feel good about our interaction and I felt that this mom was still upset so I walked out after her, with Taylor, and apologized again. I had Taylor apologize once more and then Taylor began talking to the little girl, telling her she liked her hair,etc. The mom then opened up and said "Kids can just be so mean. My daughter often gets teased at school." Her daughter did look different and her eyelashes on one eye were completely white and she had a white eyelid. My guess is Taylor had never seen anything like that and she just said what came to her mind.

I told the lady that I have a son with Down Syndrome, and so he will probably look different too and so that will be something we will address in our family the rest of our lives. The mom then told me that her little girl has vitiligo , which is what has caused the white spots on her face/eyelids,etc. Well, how about that? I have vitiligo too!!!! I immediately told the little girl that I had vitiligo too and showed the little girl my hands and the lack of pigment there. I gave her a high five and said "We are special,aren't we? This is how God made us!!" and I think the mom was as shocked as I was that this had happened!

We talked for a bit longer, mainly about vitiligo, and then I told the little girl once again that I thought she was beautiful before they left.

As you can imagine, I talked to Taylor all the way home about how God has made us all to look different from one another and I talked about what you can and can not say to people. I tried as best I could to drive this home and then we had further discussion once we got home and I was able to tell Phillip what had happened. We then prayed for the little girl from Starbucks and we also prayed about how we use our words.

Aaaaahhh, never a dull moment, right? And all I wanted was a cup of coffee (-:

Christmas season

2009-12-23T12:02:00.001-08:00

I am a Christmas junkie. I love everything about this season. I love the lights, the sounds, the smells, the mostly joyful spirited people you encounter while running errands, the music, the parties, and I could go on and on.

And to think it all started in a smelly manger...all this awesomeness!!! I love that we celebrate Jesus' Birthday in so many ways. I love that all of this joy can be traced back to a helpless baby, who was born to die.

A few weeks ago, I said that I wish the Christmas season was two months long...that is how much I love it. I have found myself more reflective about all that "surrounds" the Christmas season this year, especially since Taylor is now four and seems to be becoming a Christmas junkie too, which makes her mama proud! (-: I have thought more about Santa Claus and how much to talk about him. I have thought more about giving to others. I have enjoyed the joy on Taylor's face as it seems like she is experiencing all this for the first time!

I want to recount some of the highlights I have already experienced over this past month...

1) Our tree seems to be the prettiest one we have ever had...lots and lots of lights!!!Seriously, can you have too many lights? I think not!

2) I love receiving Christmas cards and being able to catch up with everyone through seeing pictures and hearing about what has been going on in people's lives. I know Christmas letters seem to get a bad rap these days as some people say it seems like families are bragging...personally I enjoy them and don't share in that sentiment!

3) Taylor had two of her buddies from her preschool class over for a playdate and we made a gingerbread house- one of the girls said in her sweet preschool voice "This is the best playdate ever!!" Now that is priceless!

4) We went out as a family the other night and rode around and looked at Christmas lights in Cedarfield neighborhood. I was giddy with joy as we sat out in front of one of the houses that had lights on their home that were synchronized with Christmas music on a radio station! So cool! I am thankful for folks who still put the time and energy into decorating their homes so people like me can enjoy it!!

5) Went to a Birthday party for Jesus last week with some friends and their children...fun to hear the kids sing to Jesus and remember why it is we celebrate!

6) Our Hunter Family Christmas was a lot of fun- children running around and having a blast! Some of the kids only see each other once a year but that doesn't seem to matter. As we were leaving, Taylor said "Mom, that was a great party!!" I definitely have an extroverted daughter.

7) We had a wonderful dinner party at Corinne and John Kologe's house with the women's ministry team and their spouses. It was so nice to sit down and share a meal together and also get to hear from one another about some special Christmas memories we all have. I love that God has placed so many wonderful, God loving people in my life.

8) Going to see "Behold the Lamb of God" last week with lots of friends from our church was delightful(I hardly ever use that word but it seems appropriate)! It has become a Christmas tradition to go to that every year and it was especially fun to have so many other friends share that experience this year.

And those are just some of the highlights...

I am looking forward to a Christmas party tonight and then Christmas Eve is tomorrow night! Woo hoo!

What an awesome time of year!!! Thank you,Jesus,that it starts and ends with YOU!!

Breathe, just breathe!

2009-12-16T07:03:00.000-08:00

BREATHE, just breathe! If I have heard the Lord tell me this once over the past week, I have heard it a million times!! 'Tis the season, right? Life has been crazy busy and I have found myself falling into the trap of "leaving Christ out of Christmas"...not intentionally, mind you, but in the spirit of "trying to get everything done" while keeping up with life, kids, the house, laundry, lists, and more lists!

I woke up the other morning in a panic because the cards are not in the mailbox yet, some gifts have been bought, but not wrapped, and last time I checked, no elf was stopping by to do all these things for me!

So, that morning, I had to just laugh at myself and at the same time, I heard the Lord say "Breathe Cammie, breathe!!" I am amazed how quickly my focus can shift to things that are good, but surely not the most important!! Of course, I want my family and friends to feel loved this Christmas which is what is behind the bustle, BUT it should not be at the expense of slowing down and meditating on WHY we even celebrate Christmas!

So today, I am purposefully slowing down, and focusing on JESUS, and the labor of love that was shown to each one of us through His birth and His life! And to top off the day, I am going to see "Behold the Lamb of God" which has become a yearly tradition and always helps me to focus and reflect on all God has done for me.

Enjoy!!!

PJ Day for Taylor and Zach in all his cuteness

2009-12-07T11:35:00.000-08:00

Taylor's preschool class had PJ day today...how fun would that be? To just wake up, get your stuffed animal, and head off to school! Taylor loved it!

And here she is showing off her PJ's...

And here is Zach, rockin' a cute Christmas sweater...

My daughter-an encourager!!!

2009-12-06T18:33:00.000-08:00

It was Friday afternoon and I was getting Taylor and Zach ready to go to 252, our once a month family service at church. I mentioned to Taylor that some of her friends would be playing handbells that night during the service. This was the first Taylor had heard about the handbells because we were not able to make the practices that she would have had to attend to participate, so I had never brought it up.

So, once Taylor heard some of her friends would be playing the handbells, she suddenly was questioning why she wasn't doing it, and then got pretty upset (translate- screaming and crying because she wanted to be up on stage!!). I felt badly at this point, but tried to redirect her by telling her that her friends would really need her support and she could be a great encourager to them while they were on stage.

Little did I know, this was just what Taylor needed to hear to turn her around! She then began focusing on her friends and began saying things like "Do you think Joshua will be nervous?" and "I hope they aren't scared!!" When we saw her friend, Joshua, who is three, she ran up to him and told him "Congratulations!" since he was going to be playing the handbells. It was so cute!! Once we got to church, Taylor wanted to be up front close to the stage so she could see her friends. When all the preschoolers came out on stage, Taylor stood up and basically began "directing" them and was playing her own bells without having any in her hand. After they finished playing, Taylor ran up to some of her friends, specifically Joshua and Joyner, and told them she thought they did a GREAT job playing the handbells.

Here is Taylor with Joyner...

Later, Taylor and I were out in the lobby and she ran over and hugged a little girl I had seen up on the stage but did not know, and she exclaimed "You did such a great job up there playing the handbells!" It was so sweet, and what I loved the most about all these interactions, is that I think encouragement is so necessary today and I loved seeing Taylor encouraging all her little friends. It was also great to see her turn around from her disappointment over not being able to participate herself, to being able to encourage and support her friends who were able to participate. Who couldn't use a little encouragement these days, right?? (Even if you are a preschooler playing the handbells!!)

It gave me great hope as I watched my little girl Friday night, that maybe someday God will ignite that as a spiritual gift in Taylor and she will become even more of an encourager to those around her. I caught a glimpse of who she could become...

You go, Taylor!!

Songs rich in meaning

2009-12-01T12:21:00.000-08:00

I bought a CD recently that has impacted me greatly. The CD is "Beauty Will Rise" by Steven Curtis Chapman. I downloaded it before I went to the Well of Mercy and listened to it while I was there, in its entirety. I rarely sit down and LISTEN to music much these days-and I mean, really listen, but I did with these songs. SCC wrote this CD after losing a child last year. His daughter, Maria, then 5 years old, was run over by a car in their own driveway. I can not even imagine the pain he and his family have been going through.

He was not sure he would ever write music again. I have been a fan of his music for many, many years, and I was so deeply moved by the lyrics he wrote for this CD. The lyrics are raw and authentic. I think it is one thing to talk about our faith in Jesus and our love for Him when things are going well; it is another thing completely to live that out when you are dealt a tragedy like losing a child.

One of the songs really meant a lot to me and it is titled "Jesus Will Meet You There."

Here are some of the lyrics:

When you think you’ve hit the bottom
And the bottom gives way
And you fall into a darkness
No words can explain
You don’t know how you’ll make it out alive
Jesus will meet you there

And when the doctor says “ I’m sorry, we don’t know what else to do”
And you’re looking at your family
Wondering how they’ll make it through
Whatever road this life takes you down
Jesus will meet you there

He knows the way to wherever you are
He knows the way to the depths of your heart
He knows the way cause He’s already been where you’re going
Jesus will meet you there

As I listened to that song, I thought about a dear friend who lost her son a year ago Thanksgiving weekend. I also thought about another friend who lost her son five years ago...and then I thought about so many who are struggling to find hope right now. The reality is, even in the midst of painful circumstances that we may find ourselves in in this life, Jesus can and will meet us there. I know He has met me when things seemed really dark, and He continues to meet me every day.

Because of the trials SCC has been through, it makes the lyrics he wrote that much more powerful to me.If you need to be reminded of God's nearness when things are tough,or just be reminded that He is faithful, I hope you will get a copy!

For more on this CD...

http://stevencurtischapman.com/music.htm

Well of Mercy

2009-11-23T19:01:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, I returned from a weekend away at the Well of Mercy. It was an awesome weekend and I came home very refreshed. I have done a little reflecting on why the Well of Mercy and my time there has been so significant over the years. I realized that I have been going there for times of solitude with the Lord for eight years now, on a regular basis. I will never forget the very first time going away and wondering, "What am I going to do for 24 hours of solitude??" What a contrast to when I go now and 24 hours never seems to be enough!

I started going while still single and have continued going through many transitions in my life-getting married, working on staff at a church, having a child, having a second child,etc. It has been the single most important discipline in my spiritual growth over the years.

I was reminded this past weekend that the Lord will speak to us and He desires to speak to us when we take the time to listen...but we have to slow down and create the space to hear Him. I am grateful for a place like the Well of Mercy - a little slice of heaven only an hour away!

"Draw near to God and HE WILL DRAW NEAR TO YOU." James 4:8

Life lessons on the playground

2009-11-17T11:19:00.000-08:00

O.K., if you are a parent, you have probably already dealt with the playground issues, but this week has been my real introduction!

A little background... Phillip and I have been working with Taylor on some behavioral stuff and we have a chart we use now which is a picture of a gumball machine with gumballs in it. For every hour Taylor displays certain behavior (which we have lined out for her), she gets a gumball colored in. If she gets 8 in a day , she gets a privilege that night. Of course we are ultimately wanting heart change, but we are taking it step by step. Well, yesterday, I sat and watched Taylor on the playground after school. Sometimes she was playing really well with others , running around, playing chase, sliding down the slides,etc. Then I saw a kid ask her if they could get on the tire swing with her and she said "No, you can't play with me" or something along those lines. I smiled proudly and said "That's my girl!" (Just kidding!!) I walked over there and talked with Taylor about that and helped the little boy up on the swing with her.

After this playground incident, I decided last night at dinner that we would have a talk about kindness and used the playground as our base for giving lots of examples on how to be kind. We role played and wrote on a piece of paper (with Ephesians 4:32 on top) what it would mean to be kind to others. Then last night before bed we prayed that God would help us and teach us how to be kind.

Fast forward to today on the playground after school. We got an opportunity to put this to the test. I watched Taylor again today playing and was pleased with what I saw. I then gave her a five minute warning before leaving, and then a two minute warning. I turned and was talking to some other moms and about a minute later (you know, it only takes a minute for something to happen!!!), Taylor came running over to me, with leaves and dirt all over her and she was crying really hard. She said a little girl had pushed her down. Closely behind her was that girl, crying as well, and she kept saying "I said I was sorry." Well, Taylor was visibly really upset and so I turned to that little girl and I pushed her down! I thought "That will teach her!" Just kidding-I wanted to see if you were still reading and still with me!! Anyway, the little girl's mom came over and since neither one of us actually saw what happened anyway, we just had the girls apologize and then Taylor said she was ready to go home.

We got in the car and Taylor calmed down. I then asked her what really happened and she told me that girl had pushed her down. I asked Taylor what she did next and she said she pushed her a little bit back. Then Taylor said she did not want to be that girl's friend anymore. Great opportunity here...so I talked again about being kind and what it would like to be kind to this little girl. Then I talked about forgiveness and said we needed to pray for her friend and for Taylor, that they would both learn how to be kind and that they would forgive one another.

I really do believe so much of living out what Christ asks us to do happens in the everyday moments of our lives-in the grocery store, in traffic, in our relationships and on the playground.

I hope these moments change me and change my children. Taylor said before getting out of the car.. "Hey mom, maybe my friend needs to try the gumball thing too." (-:

Identity...

2009-11-13T18:37:00.000-08:00

I had a good reminder this week that our identity is in Christ and not in the circumtances of our lives that sometimes seem to define us.

Here is how this happened...yesterday morning at Oasis (our women's Bible study at Lake Forest), there were a couple guests who came. They had been at church the previous Sunday and someone invited them to come to Oasis. When we broke off into our smaller groups, they came to the prayer group, which I am a part of. I had actually met these two women before a couple of months ago when our church hosted a women's homeless shelter for a week. These two women were staying at the shelter that week. Apparently, you can only stay at shelters (which are held in different locations)for 90 day,so when their time was up, they left the shelter and have been living out of a car for two months. They sleep in the car and park in different places each night. These women shared quite a bit during our time together. They both love God and want to serve Him and they want to minister to others who are out on the street. As I listened to them share, I was struck with the fact that although we are having VERY different life experiences right now, we all love the same God. We all want to serve Him. I happen to live in a home that is very comfortable to me and I don't have to depend on God for the next meal at this point in my life. These women do.And I'll bet their prayer life is richer than mine. As I listened to them talk, I was touched by how they seem to have such a deep, intimate relationship with God...seeking Him for every decision they make each day.

Now, on to what this all has to do with finding our identity in Christ. It is so easy for me to refer to those women as "homeless women." When I was sharing with Phillip about the morning, I am pretty sure I said there were two homeless women in our group that morning. It hit me though later, and I almost felt like God stopped me in my tracks, to remind me that the fact that they are homeless is not where their identity lies. It is a circumstance they find themselves in that affects who they are but it is not the defining factor in their lives any more than the defining factor in Zach's life is that he has Down Syndrome. I remember hearing early on in reference to Zach that as his parents, we need to remember he is a baby first and we are to see him and enjoy him that way ... Down Syndrome is just a part of who he is. I would not want anyone to refer to Zach as a Down Syndrome child-he is a child who happens to have Down Syndrome, but most importantly, he is a child of God.

So, although I do realize that being homeless impacts the stories of these women in some big ways, I don't think it is right for me to refer to them as homeless women. They are women like me, who want to honor God with their lives, who want to impact those around them, and who want to grow daily in their relationship with Him. And again, most importantly, they are children of God.

So, I believe God reminded me that our identity is found in belonging to Him, not in our circumstances,and I think I will be more intentional in how I describe people in the future...the same way I hope people would do for me. Thank you God, for showing yourself to me though those precious women this week. The joy on their faces, in spite of their circumstances, has left a mark on my heart.

" How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God. And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

It's all about perspective

2009-11-09T08:22:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I just get in a funk...know what I mean? I have found myself in a funk for a few days. Why? Oh, I don't know...I guess I get tired sometimes. The mundane, the routine, trying to keep a house clean, laundry, therapy for Zach, just the stuff of life!!!

So, I decided I needed a perspective check. I have a lot to be thankful for and I sometimes just need to slow down long enough to be reminded of all that God has given me.

I read one of my favorite verses this morning- "From the fullness of his grace, we have all received one blessing after another." (John 1:16) I have received one blessing after another...my family is healthy and I have been given a gift to have each one of them in my life. I have a wonderful husband. I have a great church and have been given lots of opportunities to serve. My husband has a good job. I have great friends. And on a more superficial note- Birkdale is already decorated for Christmas which excites me and Starbucks has it's Christmas cups out (-:!!!

So, it really is all about perspective, isn't it? I have so MUCH to be thankful for!!

First haircut and standing up!!

2009-11-02T19:29:00.001-08:00

This is Zach's "before" picture...

and after...

And here he is standing up holding on to the coffee table (yes, I helped him a little but he stood for about 3 minutes!!) Way to go,little man!

Highlights and Lowlights

2009-10-28T12:53:00.000-07:00

Here are some highlights and lowlights of the past week:

Hmmm...let's start with lowlights and then end on a good note (Can you tell I am a "bad news first" kind of gal???)

Lowlights:

1) Getting a call from Taylor's school last Thursday that she had a fever...I had to pick her up and have her miss her Fall festival at school )-:

2) Taking Zach to the ENT in South Charlotte in Friday, and waiting for one hour and forty minutes before even seeing the dr.-good times!!

4) Getting another call from Taylor's school on Monday that she threw up at lunch (after her feeling fine all weekend)

3) Sitting in the Dr.'s office waiting room Monday afternoon for 1.5 hours with a packed waiting room and many of them wearing masks!!

4) Phillip having to be out of town in Knoxville while I had sickies at home.

5) Taylor ridding her body of the hotdog she had eaten for dinner on Monday night-note to self: don't listen to your four year old when she says she wants a hot dog for dinner and she has already thrown up her lunch!!! Way to go mom!

Highlights:

1) Speaking at Oasis about the fruit of the Spirit KINDNESS...and encouraging us all to practice INTENTIONAL acts of kindness, in Jesus' name.

2) Being the recipient of an intentional act of kindness when Mary called me and asked me if I wanted to leave Zach with her when I took Taylor to the dr. on Monday. Those three hours (dr's office and Target-getting prescription filled) could have been much worse!!

3) Getting a free manicure at the Honda place when I went in to get some work done on the car last week.

4) Having coffee with Heather Dooley, who I love but don't get to see very often

5) Going to the Down Syndrome mom's night out with my friend and neighbor, Christi, and thankful for the people God has put in our path who are walking this same road!

6) Zach is officially "helmet free",as of yesterday! He was a trooper wearing that for 23 hours/day for 5 months!! And no, I won't miss the smell! (-:

7) Finished a great book "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan-was very challenged by it! (possible blog on this some other day!)

8)Having Miss Peggy come to our house today so I could get out!! Worked on a talk this morning (Lies College Women Believe) and had a blast.

9) Sitting here right now, drinking a pumpkin spice latte, in Barnes and Noble , and writing this!

10) Oh, and how could I forget- I was crowned the Homecoming Queen at Trader Joe's last week!!! Put my name in a drawing and got THE phone call a few days later "Mrs. Howard-you have won the drawing to be the Trader Joe's homecoming Queen!!" I got a $25 gift card and my picture taken in a sash and a crown (brought back sweet memories of being the homecoming queen in high school!!! Ummm...no, not really!)

More highlights than lowlights- that makes for a good week!

One year ago...

2009-10-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

A little over a year ago, on October 14.2009, Zachary Cole Howard was born!! I will never forget that day, or the day after that, when we were told news that would change our lives forever.

I remember the night that Zach was born, all I could say was "he is just perfect!" The following morning, the neonatologist at the hospital came into our room. Phillip was in the bathroom at the time so the doctor began making small talk with me...I think he was talking to me about sports, if I remember correctly. Phillip came out of the bathroom and Dr.Payne then said he had something he needed to tell us. He said he thought that Zach had signs and physical traits that he believed to be Down Syndrome. At those words, Phillip began to sob and I just stood there, in complete shock. Phillip sobbed because at that moment, what he had thought to be true for the past ten or so hours since Zach was born, had just been confirmed. You see, Phillip knew right after Zach was born by looking at him that he might have Down Syndrome. I did not notice a thing (a blessing for sure). In fact, Phillip was in the bathroom researching Down Syndrome on our computer when Dr.Payne came into the room to give us the news.

Dr. Payne continued to talk and gave us reasons why he thought Zach might have DS, but his words sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher (wah wah wah wah wah) to me at the time. It felt like my body went completely numb at that moment and I could not process a thing. I felt no emotion...I really do think I was just in shock.

Wait...Zach is perfect,God? Now what does this mean? The room stood still. Dr. Payne began to say that he knew we would be great parents for Zach and he could tell we were great people. What? He didn't know us at all-what was he talking about? And what is Down Syndrome anyway? My mind raced to the people I had worked with in high school as I had volunteered for Special Olympics. My whole body felt heavy and I felt like I had just been hit head on by a Mack truck.

I didn't cry. Phillip and I hugged and Dr. Payne said he would come back later with some more information and some numbers of people to call. He also said the chaplain from the hospital would come in and see us. Huh? That doesn't sound good!

From that point until we left the hospital a day and a half later, there were many phone calls made and many people came to be with us. I cried as each person walked through the door. I began to feel such intense sadness and grief. I couldn't eat, I could barely talk, and I just felt so sad. But why?

As I look back now, 90% of the sadness seemed to originate from fear...fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear of losing life as I knew it, fear that I would not be able to handle this. I grieved for what I thought life was going to be like with our new baby boy. I grieved for our future.

But an amazing thing happened before we left the hospital. Though the tears, through the prayers, through the body of Christ coming alongside us like never before...I received a peace from God. I began to feel in the depths of my heart the realization that this did not surprise God. He knew that Zach was going to have Down Syndrome. He chose us and our family for Zach. He wanted us to be his parents and him to be our child. This was not a mistake. Zach was perfect in God's eyes and he was God's perfect child for us and our family! My first reaction still held true-Zach was perfect!!

Now to fast forward one year...wow! Zach is now one and that day in the hospital, though it can still bring me to tears thinking about it, seems like a world away from where we are now. Zach is a bundle of love and he has a way about him that is infectious to all who meet him! He is laid back, giggles a lot, is making so much progress and is a joy to all who come in contact with him.

Down Syndrome does not define me, does not define Zach, and does not define our family. Our journey is one that is different than we had once expected, but it is a good journey and we are growing through each day. I have been so blessed by the community that has come around us and have seen love extended to us in ways I have never experienced before.

So, one year ago, our lives changed, but now I can honestly say that our lives have changed for the better! Thank you, God, for loving our family enough to entrust us with your precious angel, Zach. Happy Birthday (almost one week ago) little man!!!

The Buddy Walk

2009-10-10T12:41:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, October 4th, we did our first "Buddy Walk" at Freedom Park. A Buddy Walk is a walk to raise money and promote awareness about Down Syndrome. I remember very clearly last year coming home from the hospital after Zach was born, and receiving an email from a friend in Florida telling me she had just done a Buddy Walk there. I was like "a Buddy What?" I did not know all the lingo yet!! (and still don't)

So, as a newbie to the Buddy Walk this year, I did a few things...set up a website for donations, emailed some people about it (not a whole lot because I did not want to seem like a bother to people), and got a team together to do the actual walk. The walk is supposedly one mile around the lake at Freedom Park but it felt like a very short stroll at a snail's pace because of all the people who attended!

I arrived with my family and felt a bit like a stranger in completely new territory. Other people seemed to already know what to do-where to go to sign in, where to get t-shirts,where the bathrooms were!! I felt a bit overwhelmed. There were hundreds of people there...many with Down Syndrome and so many who were there to support them!

Our "team", which was affectionately called "Zach Attack", arrived and we participated in some of the park events before doing the actual walk, which began at 4pm. Our team picture is posted above (minus Ashley and Mike Thompson who were not there for the picture)...Then we began the walk, with hundreds of other people, all there for one cause! It was quite a sight to see the people stretched out all around the lake as the walk began.

Please note Ashley (far left and very pregnant in this pic!!). She gave birth to her baby girl, Maddie, the following day!! I think it was the Buddy Walk that did her in-ha ha!!

The afternoon as a whole was an encouragement. It was encouraging to see all the DS families out there and the friends who supported them. It was encouraging to have MY family and friends there, and it meant a lot that they would give up their afternoon to show us their love and support.

I have already decided that NEXT year, I want to double the size of our team!! I won't be the newbie next year and therefore it won't feel so overwhelming, and I want to continue to do whatever I can to support my little angel with DS.

Who knows...Zach might even be awake for the walk next year!!!!

Expect the unexpected

2009-09-28T12:52:00.000-07:00

That was the theme for me this past weekend on the Lake Forest Youth retreat...expect the unexpected!! I am actually thinking this should be a theme for all youth retreats based on my most recent experiences on them!

I was going on the weekend because I was asked to be the speaker for the high school students. I had planned, prayed and prepared with them in mind. Holly Worsley, a good friend of mine, was slated to speak to the middle school students. Holly had told me on Wednesday night that her mom was having shoulder surgery Friday afternoon. She also told me to keep that in the back of my mind JUST IN CASE something went wrong. Well, she and I both thought there was very little chance of that, of course.

Friday afternoon around 3pm, I received a text from Holly that things weren't going so well and she would let me know more in an hour. A few hours passed and I called Holly. Things had been a bit crazy for her ,as to be imagined, and she was getting ready to call to let me know she did not feel comfortable leaving her mom so she was not going to be coming on the retreat.

SO, I got off the phone and prayed and the decision was made shortly thereafter that I would be speaking to both groups.

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED!

I spoke Friday night to everyone all together...then we decided it would be best to split them up and have me speak to them separately, which meant speaking twice Saturday morning, Saturday evening,and Sunday morning.

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED!

It rained almost ALL weekend long...from Friday afternoon through late Saturday evening so all the outdoor activities that were planned obviously weren't going to happen. However, there were some students who braved the cold rain and went swimming in the lake anyway. After my talk Saturday night, I had planned to send the students out for 15 minutes to be alone with God. In the pouring rain, it is hard to get too excited about that,even though there were a few covered places. But by this point in the weekend, I had learned to...

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED!

So, I was reminded again this past weekend that GOD IS IN CONTROL. He will do what He is going to do, and He can work even when things don't go as planned.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9

"My word It will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:11

I pray that in spite of me and in spite of the circumstances of the weekend, lives were changed and choices will be made to follow Christ in deeper ways.

Every once in a while, it happens...

2009-09-24T20:14:00.000-07:00

I knew I would feel this way at times...and I felt it today. As you know , my son, Zach, has Down Syndrome. It has been almost one year since he has entered into our lives! (His birthday is October 14)

Today while I was sitting outside of Taylor's ballet class, another mom was also outside the class, and she had brought her baby with her. It turns out her baby was born 2 days earlier than Zach. But here's the thing...her little girl was crawling. She was holding a cup and drinking from it. Her mom mentioned to her baby girl that she might be having lasagna tonight. Well, Zach can't crawl yet, he doesn't hold a cup, and he still doesn't have too much interest in solid food (now that is a problem I wish I had!!). I know he will be behind in a lot of milestones, and that is okay, but I also remember early on in this journey, a parent of a DS child telling me the hardest thing was when their child was next to a child the same age, because they could then clearly see the differences.

So tonight as I explained this to Phillip, I cried...and I cried hard. Why? Oh, I am not really sure. Sometimes it just hits me I guess. Zach has Down Syndrome. I still hardly even know what that is going to mean for him or for us. So, my heart hurt a bit today, but tomorrow, I will see his precious face, kiss those adorable cheeks, look into those captivating blue eyes of his, and we will go on!! Zach doesn't know the difference, and he seems to be fine not playing the comparison game!!! He just sat and looked at that other very busy eleven month old baby today and cooed and then went on having fun banging his trucks together. (-:

So, like I said, every once in a while, it happens. I feel sad...but then I go on, embracing the sweet gift God has given us in Zach! In fact, I think I will post this blog entry and go kiss his sweet sleeping self right now!!

BIRTHDAY week!!

2009-09-20T11:11:00.000-07:00

Alrighty, I am not gonna lie....I LOVE BIRTHDAYS!! I love celebrating! Not just my own, mind you..I get excited for other people on their birthdays and I especially get excited if I get the honor of being able to celebrate with them!!

The reality is that life is hard. There is a lot of pain in life. So, if we get a chance to celebrate, we should celebrate,right? Well, that is what I think.

So, last week happened to be my birthday!! The celebrating began on Tuesday(on my actual bday) and went on through Saturday!! I know, I am VERY blessed.

Some highlights included:
1) Dinner with my dear friend, Kim Schultz, on my birthday!! It had been a "not so great" day of diaper changing, meltdowns,(by one of my children-not me this time!!), a trip to the doctor, and an hour waiting on a prescription to be filled..SO, it was such a nice treat to end my day with great time with Kim!!

2) Facebook Birthday wishes from people-I read every one of them and was so thankful that people would take the time to wish me a happy bday!

3) Dinner on Thursday night with about 25 friends at eeZ Fusion! It was a blast!! Phillip had planned the evening and it could not have been more special! I loved having my friends all in one place (except those who were unable to attend!) and hearing them laugh and have a good time. It was very cool to look around, to see the smiles, hear the laughter and the craziness, and know that women were hopefully getting their tanks filled by being out of the home and with other women for the evening.

4) One of the gifts I received that evening was a book that Mary put together of letters from some of my friends. It meant so much to me and I sat and read the letters when I got home that night. A treasure of a gift!!

5) Went out with my family, my parents and my brother on Friday night! We try to get together to celebrate birthdays so it was fun to be together.

6) My mother in law made me a mini scrapbook of me growing up! I know it took a lot of time and love, so that was a special gift.

7) And for my final bday celebration, Phillip took me out on a special date Saturday night. We went to dinner uptown and had good conversation and a yummy dinner!! Then , we went to Amelie's French bakery and hung out there for a while. He then gave me my bday present,which was a gift certificate to a spa in Blowing Rock! I know, I have THE best husband in the world. He did an amazing job making this birthday extra special.

So, it was a fantastic week. And here is a take-away...we need to celebrate more often. We need to celebrate people!! We need to let them know how much they mean to us. We need to highlight their wonderfulness (is that a word?) Maybe not just celebrate on people birthdays, but every once in a while, get groups together and go out and just enjoy being together!! Life has enough stress, so let's take some time to celebrate when we can. It sure made a difference in my life this week as people took the time to make me feel special. And I think God smiled on that!

Ballet/tap-here we come!!

2009-09-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

Tay getting her tap on!!

We ventured into the world of extracurricular activities last week! Taylor is taking an intro to tap/ballet class once a week at Kingdom's Feet, a Christian ballet studio. It was fun to see how excited Taylor got. The day of the class, she couldn't fall asleep at nap time because she was so excited. She came downstairs after ten minutes or so wearing her leotard and her tights (tights on OVER the leotard, by the way!!).

They pray at the beginning of the class and end the class with a group hug!! They will learn about how to use dance as a form of worship to God-pretty cool!

Taylor has been "practicing" at home. Will keep you all updated as she continues to master the art of ballet and tap...like mother , like daughter-HA!!!!!!!

Refreshed by others

2009-09-03T19:01:00.000-07:00

This has been a week that my heart has found great refreshment by being with others. I am a people person...a pretty high extrovert on the Myers Briggs, and I definitely get "energized" by being with people.
A few of these experiences stand out this week:
On Monday, I got to spend time with a very good friend, Liane Hamilton. We both had our first children in the same year (2005) and since then, Mason and Taylor have been good buddies too. Liane and I used to be youth leaders together, and now we share life together, have play dates with our kids, and talk about life, the Lord, raising children,etc. It is always good to be with her.
Tuesday night, I went to an Oasis leaders meeting with close to 20 other women who will be serving in our Oasis ministry. I looked around the room that night and was reminded of the fact that God has allowed me to serve alongside some incredible, godly, REAL, women at Lake Forest. That night, I came home energized.
Today, I got to sit in the waiting room at Levine Children's Hospital with Joe and Pam Sharp, and Pam's parents, as Sammi (Joe and Pam's daughter) had surgery. It was a joy to be with my friends and to share that time with them today. Again, I left that time energized.
And then tonight, I went to church to "serve" with other ladies from our Oasis prayer group. We were serving dinner for the women who are presently staying at our church as we are hosting a women's shelter for homeless women this week. I took Taylor and Zach with me. As seems to happen most times when serving, I got more from the women than I could ever give to them in one night! To sit and have dinner with them and to hear some of their stories, and to see the faith and courage these women have to keep moving forward despite hard circumstances...that encouraged and challenged me greatly. So many of the women loved on MY children and in turn, showed me more of Jesus tonight! Taylor almost had to be dragged away tonight to come home...she was having such a good time and was in heaven as one of the overnight guests painted Taylor's fingers and toes! Zach got held and loved on all night long. So, once again, I left tonight with my heart encouraged.
This week, I have been refreshed by the people God has placed in my path. It is so evident to me why God wants us to be in community with others. It is just better that way!!

Top 10 lists

2009-08-29T07:58:00.000-07:00

Top 10 joy givers in my life right now (in no particular order)...

10)Snuggling with my children (even when Taylor asks for us to come "lay with her for just one second" as a major delay tactic to going to bed)
9) Opportunities to speak that God has given me (challenging, sharpening, and just plain fun!)
8) Coffee, and just being in coffee shops
7) Wednesday's (my day to meet with people, work on talks, run errands, and fill my tank!)
6) Lake Forest Church
5) Blogging (and reading other people's blogs)
4) Reading good books (Right now, I am reading "The Prodigal God" by Timothy Keller)
3) Spending time with the women in my Thursday morning prayer group
2) Spending time with friends
1) Date nights with Phillip

Top 10 things I am looking forward to...(Again, in no particular order)

10)Taylor starting ballet classes at Kingdom's Feet
9) Speaking on the Lake Forest youth retreat in September
8) The FALL and cooler weather
7) Celebrating my Birthday with many women who mean a lot to me
6) Pumpkin Spice Latte's
5) Oasis starting back and getting back into a regular routine
4) The Christmas cups at Starbuck's (I know it's weird but I get excited every year!)
3) Seeing where God leads me
2) Anniversary trip with Phillip
1) Did I already say cooler weather? (-:

A good word on mommyhood

2009-08-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

"Being a mommy is both a gift and a burden. The responsibilities are never ending and sometimes feel all consuming. Yet the day will be won or lost, not based on my accomplishments, but based on my attitude. The grace of God can set my attitude free to be the mommy. By His grace, my frustrations can be replaced with peace. By His grace, I can speak calmly and listen patiently. By his grace, I can forsake my to-do list and play with my children. By His grace, I can celebrate this season called Mommy. Would you let the grace of God set you free to be the mommy?"
by Angela Thomas Guffey "Tender Mercies for a Mother's Soul"

Thank you, Angela, for the gift of these words today! I don't know you but it seems you have read into my heart, and maybe even the hearts of other mom's just like me!

I blew it!

2009-08-27T19:05:00.000-07:00

^1-3Generous in love—God, give grace! Huge in mercy—wipe out my bad record.
   Scrub away my guilt,
      soak out my sins in your laundry.
   I know how bad I've been;
      my sins are staring me down.

^4-6 You're the One I've violated, and you've seen
      it all, seen the full extent of my evil.
   You have all the facts before you;
      whatever you decide about me is fair.
   I've been out of step with you for a long time,
      in the wrong since before I was born.
   What you're after is truth from the inside out.
      Enter me, then; conceive a new, true life.

^7-15 Soak me in your laundry and I'll come out clean,
      scrub me and I'll have a snow-white life.
   Tune me in to foot-tapping songs,
      set these once-broken bones to dancing.
   Don't look too close for blemishes,
      give me a clean bill of health.
   God, make a fresh start in me,
      shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life.
   Don't throw me out with the trash,
      or fail to breathe holiness in me.
   Bring me back from gray exile,
      put a fresh wind in my sails!
   Give me a job teaching rebels your ways
      so the lost can find their way home.
   Commute my death sentence, God, my salvation God,
      and I'll sing anthems to your life-giving ways.
   Unbutton my lips, dear God;
      I'll let loose with your praise.

^16-17 Going through the motions doesn't please you,
      a flawless performance is nothing to you.
   I learned God-worship
      when my pride was shattered.
   Heart-shattered lives ready for love
      don't for a moment escape God's notice.

^18-19 Make Zion the place you delight in,
      repair Jerusalem's broken-down walls.
   Then you'll get real worship from us,
      acts of worship small and large,
   Including all the bulls
      they can heave onto your altar! (Psalm 51, The Message)

Well, I blew it tonight! I really messed up. The warning lights were flashing but I did not heed them. I am so thankful tonight for God's amazing grace...that He knows I am going to blow it and He still loves me. I am so glad that He takes my sin and removes it as far as the east is from the west. Sometimes I see things in me that make me so sad. BUT I know that God's mercies are new every morning. I can not go back and erase tonight, though I wish I could. My prayer is that when I see the warning lights going off, knowing my tank is empty, I pray I will make better choices. I pray I will take a "time out". I know I need God to change me every single day-it is just that tonight I am a little more aware of that than usual! Thank you God for your grace!

Serving others

2009-08-25T17:42:00.000-07:00

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many." Mark 10:45

I have been thinking some lately about serving others. I had an experience last week that brought this thinking more to the surface. I am in a very busy season of life...busy in the sense that with two small children in the house, it seems like the physical daily demands are high. I can find myself getting tired easily. I can also find that I get frustrated easily. The day in/day out challenges of two small children can empty my tank pretty quickly, so here is where serving comes in...

Even Jesus did not come to be served but to serve and He was God!! When I find myself getting stuck, I have realized that the best thing I can do is to serve others. There are SO many people around me who are in the same boat I am in, so it makes a difference to find ways to serve them. Also, it is amazing to me what a difference it makes in my heart when I do serve others...when I step outside of "myself" and think "What can I do for someone else today?"

So, even when I am serving others, there is a blessing to be found. I hope I can continue to keep this on the forefront of my mind. My circumstances may not change for a while, but my attitude and actions in the midst of it can definitely make a difference.

Celebrating two VERY special people in my life!!

2009-08-20T20:01:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was Taylor's 4th Birthday!! She told people all day long that it was her Birthday and she has continued to tell everyone today that she is 4!! She truly is excited about being four...so excited that she came in and woke me up, dressed and ready for the day yesterday at 5:40a.m.! If you know anything about me, mornings are NOT my thing!! It is 11:05pm right now and this is the time of day I am still on! Mornings are a different story-and does 5:40am even count as morning-or is that the middle of the night??? Anyway, I digress...

So, to me, Birthday's are a time to slow down and celebrate someone's life and what they mean to me. Taylor, my wild child 4 year old!! Taylor is a wonderful ,spirited, strong willed, loving, funny, inquisitive, dynamic, outgoing, beautiful little girl. She has blessed my life in so many ways and has stretched me in so many ways as well. I want more than anything for God to take her energy, her spunk, and her influence and channel it to be used for the Kingdom of God! I pray for God to soften her heart and to turn her heart towards Him. It amazes me that God has entrusted this little life to our earthly care,and I pray I do the right thing with her. I want her to fall in love with Jesus and live her life for Him. I can think of no greater joy. Well, Happy Birthday sweet Taylor! Your mommy loves you,Teeter Bug!

And TODAY is my sweet husband's Birthday! Yep, the day after Taylor's!! There are so many things I love about Phillip. He truly has a heart of gold. He is far more grace giving than I am and he has overlooked so many of my faults over the years. He is kind, giving, generous, patient, loving, faithful, loyal...and not to mention handsome and very much a gentleman!! He is also an incredible father to my children. Thank you Phillip for loving God and for leading our family towards God. Thank you for praying with me every night , even when the words barely make sense because you are so tired! It matters.

Taylor and Phillip, I love you both and THANK GOD for you! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Special place in my heart...Kenzi Harwell

2009-08-12T19:37:00.000-07:00

Today, Kenzi Harwell babysat Zach and Taylor. Kenzi took a ton of pictures today with the kids,and these are just a few. Taylor had such a great time, and it made me so happy to hear Taylor talk about her day with Kenzi!

I have known Kenzi since she was in 7th grade and she is now heading off to her freshman year in college! I met her when I was the youth director at Mecklenburg Community Church. Tonight after I got home, Kenzi and I went to Chik-fil-a with the kids...we chose CFA so we could actually have a conversation while Taylor played in the "play area." I loved spending time with Kenzi, listening to her talk about her senior year in high school, hear how she has grown in so many ways, and hear about how she feels about going off to college!

It made me miss working with high school students. Kenzi is one of the students that made my time being involved in high school ministry so rich. She is authentic, teachable, loving, fun-spirited, and has a deep faith. Kenzi holds a special place in my heart. It is really cool to see someone whose life I have invested in, turn around and give so much love to my own children!

As Kenzi heads off to ASU in a couple of weeks...I pray that she will continue to hold tightly to her faith. I pray she will choose friends that help her grow, and I pray she will continue to be a light to those around her. Thank you God for Kenzi, her sweet spirit, and the love she shared with Taylor and Zach today!!!

The little things

2009-08-04T19:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight I am thankful for the little things...

There have been a handful of things that have made me happy this week, including:

1) A coupon that came in the mail for a free pint of Starbuck's ice cream.
2) Getting two free tickets to go see a sneak preview of a movie...and it turned out to be a really good movie!!
3) $10 off of groceries this week for being a Harris Teeter e-VIC customer
4) A note my husband left tonight thanking me for dinner
5) Getting the guitar chords for, and playing, "I Will Rise" by Chris Tomlin during Taylor and Zach's nap time today!

It doesn't take much, does it? (-:

Look for the little things.

And let us consider...

2009-07-28T12:55:00.000-07:00

" Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful. AND LET US CONSIDER how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. LET US NOT GIVE UP meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another, AND ALL THE MORE, as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:23-25

Sometimes I read familiar passages of Scripture and they hit me in a new and fresh way. This happened today. A recent conversation reminded me of this passage of Scripture. There have been times in my life where I have read this and glossed over it, because it was something that was just lived out naturally. Then there are times, like now, where I read that passage, and I wonder...Am I meeting together regularly with people who are encouraging me in my faith and vice versa? How many "small groups" have I been in that have just fizzled out for one reason or another, so that it becomes easy to do what others "are in the habit of doing"...which is not meeting together? Has life gotten so busy that it is okay to not do this in certain seasons? I don't think so.

I think it takes work to be in relationships with others. I think it takes work to carve out time in schedules to make this a priority. But is it important? Yes, it is. I need to be considering how I can spur on those around me. I also need to be an encourager to the people in my life. I firmly believe I can either build people up or tear them down with my words and actions- I know I have been on the receiving end of both, and yet encouragement is so vital in our walk with Christ.

So, my prayer today is that I will live this out in my life. Help me to be wise with my words, my actions and my thoughts. Help me to be a life-giver in my relationships.And help me to encourage those around me...all the more!!

Water slide

2009-07-27T16:43:00.000-07:00

Gotta love a water slide! We are here at Holden Beach with our dear friends, the Andrews! It is a joy to see smiles on the faces of children!

Zach's first day at the water slide...taking it all in!

SO GLAD I am not in the dating scene anymore!!!

2009-07-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

O.K., for those of you reading this, that title might seem a little strange-like, Cammie, haven't you been out of the dating scene for a while now? And the answer is "Yes, Phillip and I have been married almost 8 years!" The reason why I am talking about this is because I overheard some girls, probably in their 20's, sitting outside of Caribou yesterday, talking about guys they had gone out with recently. The conversation went like this...Friend #1" Should I text him and tell him I had a good time?" Friend #2 "I don't know..does he think you are interested?" Friend #3 "Well, this is just my opinion, you shouldn't seem too anxious and if you text him at 10am, you might seem overly anxious..." and on the conversation went. Oh, to text or not to text? That is the question!!!

Well, I was sitting at the table at this Caribou on East Blvd. after an awesome overnight date with my husband (somewhat of a staycation in South Charlotte), and I had this overwhelming sense of joy and relief that I was not having to worry about those such things anymore...to text or not to text.(-: There were a lot of those kinds of conversations in my 20's and so yesterday, it just reminded me of how blessed I am as I looked over at my husband (oblivious to the said conversation going on near us).I am thankful that God, in His timing, brought the perfect man into my life...perfect for me!!!

And if I do decide to text him, I don't have to worry about seeming overly anxious, or too forward! All I have to worry about is whether or not texting is part of our phone plan!!! Thank you Lord!

Definitely not there yet...

2009-07-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

Do you ever read Scripture and realize just how far off your life seems to be from actually living it out? I have that happen more often than I care to admit.

Last week, I had a "bad attitude" day. Unfortunately I can't really blame it on anything...I just had a stinkin' bad attitude. Nothing seemed to go right circumstancially, and if you couple that with a bad attitude...well, you get the picture!! I was not fun to be around (ask my husband-or actually, please don't-it is quite embarrassing!)

I finally took a "time out" because I had even had enough of me. I journaled some and just took some time to breathe. Suddenly, things seemed a bit lighter. I read some Scriptures and tried to focus on all the blessings in my life.It was a turning point in my day.

Now, here are the verses I read today that I wish I had lived out last week: "BE JOYFUL ALWAYS,PRAY CONTINUALLY; GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES FOR THIS IS GOD'S WILL FOR YOU IN CHRIST JESUS."(1 Thes.5:16-18) Last week,was I doing any of these things? Hmmm...NOPE!!! I was not giving thanks in all circumstances-rather, I was complaining about them. Well, bad attitude day is over, God's mercies are new every morning and the good news is today and every day,I can have a fresh start.

P.F.Changs with old friends

2009-07-08T19:40:00.000-07:00

...and I mean "old" as in friends I have had for a long time! Tonight I had dinner with three dear friends of mine, all mom's of former students who were in the youth group at Church at Charlotte while I was the youth director. These friends knew me and have loved me in my single days, walked with me through my dating and marriage with Phillip, and are now encouraging me with my two young children! They all have children that range from being newly married to rising seniors in high school. They have walked the path ahead of me and yet they also take the time to walk alongside me. I have seen them walk through some really hard times in each of their lives,and yet one thing remains...these three women continue to love the Lord and pursue Him with all their hearts. They continue to be real and authentic in their pursuit of Christ, embracing the "trouble" that life brings (John 16:33), and pressing on with beauty and grace.

I am challenged and encouraged by these three women. Hebrews 10:24 says "And let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds." I believe that occurs in the sharing of our lives with other believers, and tonight,that took place in a booth at P.F. Changs when four old friends shared a meal and their lives.

4th of July

2009-07-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

This is a pic of Taylor and Zach in their 4th of July outfits-however you can't see much of their outfits -oh well!! Just imagine...cute, stars, red, white and blue!!!

Would you have guessed that only a week ago Taylor needed to jump into my mine or Phillip's arms at a pool? Now, check her out! She would rub her hands together (in a getting ready pose) and then run and jump off the diving board herself!!

What a difference a week can make!! Happy 4th everyone!

He's cute, but he can make a mess!!!

2009-07-01T08:11:00.000-07:00

Look at sweet little Zach...8 months old and his first day on the swing!!! Can you imagine my sweet little guy making a monstrous mess? Enter baby food CARROTS!! I think I have served him carrots for my last time, after doing so a few days ago.

I was in a bit of a hurry because I had 45 minutes to feed Zach and give him a bath before going on a date with Phillip. Typically, that would be enough time to get all that done, but NOT WHEN CARROTS ENTER THE PICTURE!!

I started feeding Zach and he proceeded to eat some and then spit some out. Carrots in the form of baby food are EXTREMELY orange and prone to stain. The phone rang and I answered it...Taylor then wanted to help out and take over the feeding...BIG MISTAKE!! I was on the phone for maybe one minute but that was one minute too long! Taylor missed his mouth a few times in that sixty seconds. After we finished the feeding, Zach was a mess but that was no big deal because it was bath time. I took his clothes off and gave him a bath. I get Zach out of the tub to find he had left me a present in the tub. Yep, you guessed it , a brown present. I get Zach cleaned up , dressed and lathered in sweet smelling baby lotion. I put him in his crib for a minute so I can clean up in the bathroom. I come back and he has spit up all over his clean outfit and the crib sheets(which happen to be a real pain to change!!!!) I changed his outfit,called Phillip upstairs to change the crib sheets, cleaned him up again, and then took him downstairs and put him in his exersaucer while I finished a few more things before going out...and as if he hadn't spit up enough to give me the message he does not like carrots, he gave me one more spit up for the road!!!

A few outfits later,and spot cleaner on all the clothes and crib sheets with orange stains, Phillip and I went on our date.

Moral of this story...no more carrots!!!

Where is my hope?

2009-06-30T11:54:00.001-07:00

"Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
Psalms 42:5

There are many days when I find myself easily getting frustrated. There are many days that seem like I do a lot of hauling children around from one place to another to "entertain" them and keep them busy, especially during the summer. Sometimes I can get to the end of those days and not feel like I accomplished very much.I can even find myself looking ahead at some weeks and I can allow discouragement to creep in...I feel more like an event planner than I do a woman seeking after the Lord.

Put my hope in God. The Psalmist says that twice in Psalms 42. I don't often find myself putting my hope solely in God. Rather, I put my hope in circumstances, in things I am looking forward to, a fun trip, girls nights out, dates with my husband, and naptime! It is not that those are bad things in and of themselves(especially naptime (-:)...but even those things can become idols if I put my hope in them. Circumstances change, people change, relationships change, but GOD does not change!!! I can put my HOPE in Him. I can look to Him to give me eternal moments in the midst of the mundane. I can praise Him during the loads and loads of laundry. I do believe it is possible, and I also believe it takes action on my part- to turn my eyes upon the Lord and to see above the routines of the day to find God and to hear Him.

God, help me today to put my hope in YOU!

Seriously, is it just me????

2009-06-26T12:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just have to laugh, or else I will cry!!! Today, yep, it has been one of those days. I have realized something that has happened to me and I need to be willing to just accept it...I just don't have as much brain space as I used to! Since having two children, I have REALLY noticed a difference.Also, another thing I am much more aware of is this...things RARELY turn out as I plan.

Let me give an account of my day...

1) Woke up and planned to get out of the house to go to the gym with children fed and ready to go by 9am-easy enough right?(-:

2) 9:30 am- just getting off the phone from an unexpected call, have tried to pick up around the house (yeah, right!), will get the kids and head out the door, but...

3) 9:45am-decide I should take a shower at the gym while the kids are still being watched so then we can more quickly get to our next destination following the gym, which is a play place for kids
called Encouragym. So, I head upstairs to pack a bag for the shower.

4) 10am -pull out of the driveway to go to the gym..get two streets away and remember, I did not pack a towel for my shower at the gym!!So, I turn back around....

5) Get to the gym around 10:15 am for my workout that was supposed to begin at 9'ish.

6) Get on treadmill #1- begin to increase the speed and it sounds like a sick cow. So I get off that treadmill.

7) Get on treadmill #2 and begin to increase speed-but guess what? The speed does not increase! Treadmill #2 does not work...of course.

8) Get on treadmill #3 and have my work out...while taking my headphones off at least 5 times to tell other people who tried to get on treadmill #2 that it did not work.

9) Finish workout, shower, leave the gym and head to Encouragym with the kids...Taylor whining on the way there that she does not want to go..but I was going anyway because I had a coupon to go there free for two hours($10 value) that would expire at the end of this month and I can not let a coupon like that go unused!!

So, you get the picture? The only other thing that has happened today that has not gone as planned is my Target trip. I have a dear friend, Pam Sharp, who volunteered to come over to watch the kids for me while I get out for a couple of hours. Is that a good friend or what??? Anyway, I put the kids down for a nap and Pam arrived. I left the house and headed straight to Target because I needed to get some pictures printed as a bday gift. I go to the closest Target, which happens to be a nightmare to get in and out of due to a complete remodel, park at least a mile away (or so it seemed), and walk briskly through the parking lot because this time is like GOLD! I head to the photo lab, and I am greeted with signs on all the printers that say "DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, WE ARE UNABLE TO PROCESS ANY FILM AT THIS TIME. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE." I said out loud "You have GOT to be kidding!"and then just laughed and walked my mile back to my car in the construction covered parking lot.

Now anyone who knows me knows that I am a planner!! Well, as you can see, this day has not gone completely as planned. There have been a few bumps in the road for sure.

I am reminded of the Scripture that says "THIS is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24) So, that is where I will turn my focus. THIS is the day that God has made. He is teaching me flexibility today. He is teaching me that even in the midst of forgotten towels, broken treadmills, and non working photo machines, He has given me this day and this day is a gift!! There are many things I can give thanks for, in the midst of these small, but significant to me, frustrations. I am thankful today that I even have a gym membership,that I have two wonderful, healthy children,that I have a dear friend who would be so thoughtful as to VOLUNTEER her time so that I can get a couple of hours of filling my tanks today, and I have a God who loves me, as I am, and slows me down long enough to give me some much needed perspective!!!

I caved!!

2009-06-24T18:27:00.000-07:00

How do I start my very first post???? I am officially entering new territory...blogging! This is something I did not think I would ever do, but I want to begin to empty my mind somehow and blogging seems like a good avenue to do so!

I know I will battle "blogging envy" and other sins that come with the territory, but I am willing to give this a shot! I have enjoyed reading other people's blogs and getting to know more about people through reading their thoughts and musings. Maybe I will be able to get to bed earlier if I spend some time emptying my mind of all the thoughts that seem to keep me up at night! Or will I just stay up later blogging???? TBD!

I am guessing this will be a way to process what the Lord is teaching me, rant and rave about different things that occur on any given day, and also give me a place to share all the funny things that Taylor is doing and saying these days.

So, here I go...and I am excited to see who will end up following me on this new blogging journey!